By the Seat of my Pants

Seems to be how I'm living my life these days, for better or for worse. Wanna hear where it's taken me?

Two weeks ago Amma was in Seattle. I was determined to go see her, feeling the need for a good dose of the Divine Mother. However, the ride situation wasn't coming together for me, and I basically had to resign myself to not going. As soon as I did that, the phone rang with a ride for me. So I ended up in some Luthern University getting a hug from the Hugging Saint herself. I also met a man who decided that I should organize a conference on Maui for him. There's an interesting idea, I thought to myself.

So the following weekend, I flew down to San Francisco, totally last-minute, using up my free Alaska flight voucher. I wanted to talk with him more and suss out the situation, and also to spend more time with Amma. I'm really glad I did both. As it turned out, it's not an offer that I'm going to be taking (long story). But while I was down there, I found myself at the Harmony Fest on Sunday, dancing in the hot sun with all these familiar faces from the festival scene last year... including the sweet Shane, and Alok, my dear sweet buddy from Mount Madonna. I saw Shimshai for the first time, and oh was it ever magical that afternoon.

And then I flew back to Vancouver, almost as though my little return to the Bay Area had been one sweet sunny dream (is the sun ever gonna come out up here?). And had to face the fact that my life was kind of in a shambles, by some measures. I write this surrounded by boxes and chaos. Monday I move most of my stuff to my parents' place in Victoria, Wednesday I head to Hollyhock for a week to do childcare, and then the following Tuesday I go to the Salt Spring Centre for the Yoga Teacher Training.

I think basically I'm spending the summer living out out a backpack, because I don't want to spend the whole thing in Victoria at my parents' place, when my life is in Vancouver. Right now I feel incapable of planning more than the immediate next steps in my life, and this has led to being the witness of some incredible moments of synchronicity, where really I can't do anything besides shrug and conclude that there really is a benevolent universe/god/divine mother out there who does care about me (and everyone else). But sometimes it leaves me in fits of panic that I'm just a flaky hippie who has no idea what I'm doing with my life...