...serendipity and sarahfelicity...

Final UK Hours

2005-11-22T00:55:00.000-08:00

I'm off to Heathrow Airport momentarily, to fly back to the land that I love, oh beautiful British Columbia...

I postponed my return for eight days, after my generous uncle Tim made an offer I couldn't refuse to get me over to Paris to visit his lovely family, and equally lovely city.

Paris was indeed beautiful -- freezing cold, but brilliantly sunny, and, as I suspected, much more fun at 26 than it was at 14. Though apparently I'm allergic to Paris, because on both of my visits I managed to get sick. Nothing debilitating this time, however, just a sore throat bug thing that I kept more or less at bay.

I wandered around beautiful areas of town with a smile on my face, I cowered before the fashion prowess of your average Parisian, I resisted the urge to fill my suitcase with beautiful garments I couldn't afford, and wouldn't have occasion to wear in beautiful British Columbia. I tried to speak French. I had dinner with my childhood friend Ben and his lovely girlfriend Carolin at their flat, and probably embarrassed myself while shopping for the ingredients with Ben. Picture me skipping down the street, with a bagette tucked under my arm, in sheer ecstacy at the experience of stopping in at a bakery, a cheese shop, a wine shop, a fish shop, and a fresh fruit and vegetable shop that put to shame most of the produce you see on shelves in both North America and the UK. The French are very serious about their food. (I did manage to resist the urge to be too ridiculous and take photos of the Genuine Parisian Fromagier in front of his array of beautiful smelly cheeses, and the Genuine Parisian Poisonnier in front of his fish. Parisians are a bit uppity and such behaviour is I'm sure unforgiveable, even, or especially, from a tourist.)

I did lots of other things too, but those are the highlights. And no, I did not join in the riots, nor did I even see anything remotely riotous, except on the news. But the stuff I saw there was pretty intense.

All right, my chariot awaits, and I must bid farewell to my Motherland. It's been a great six weeks, and I hope it's not another five years before I return. Tally Ho...

UK Update

2005-11-11T03:07:00.000-08:00

Well it's been a busy few weeks, and I haven't actually had reliable internet access (as my grandmother would say, "These things are sent to try us". Ha!) Lots to report... don't even know where to start.

I spent a week in Wales, a few days in London, 4 days in Scotland with my little sis, and am now back in Ramsgate with my grandmother. Tomorrow I head to London to have a Cousins Reunion, and then I'm off to Paris for 5 days to join in the riots. Just kidding, I'm going to visit my uncle and his family. And practice speaking French. I got to do a bit of that at the party my sister threw -- the Mexican Fiesta! -- as all her friends are exchange students and my French gets much more fluent when I've been drinking tequila and am surrounded by eager French boys. ;)

I'll be back in Canada on the 22nd of November, following a pricey flight change. Looking very much forward to settling down and being normal again.... and also to the Blogs n' Dogs conference.

More soon. Right now I have to run back to granny's house before she gets all worried. I'm already in the doghouse for spoiling my beauty 5 years ago with a nose piercing (she just never saw it until this visit). Ta ta for now...

Yorkshire Wedding

2005-10-17T10:12:00.000-07:00

The Newlyweds Dance
Originally uploaded by sarahfelicity.

Part of the reason I scheduled my trip to the UK for right now was so that I could be at the wedding of Gerald and Diana. Gerald has kind of been a second father to me since I was quite young. And so this past weekend was his wedding, and Emma and I were both there for it, and it was so lovely to be a part of.

We even got a mention in his speech -- he was joking about how between him and Diana, they now have 6 unmarried daughters, and how they might have to offer two-for-one specials. He then added "and if you take two of them off our hands, we'll throw in a weekend in Aculpoco with the Pullman Bombshell Sisters!" Terrible, really, but that's Gerald for you. Completely politically incorrect, at risk of soon becoming a dirty old man, but still lovely.

So after a five hour drive home last night along a depressing motorway (that's what they call highways in England, and they sure do drive fast on them), I'm back in London, and somewhat at loose ends for the week. Trying not to be lonely, and also trying not to spend a ton of money, which is pretty hard because London is excessively, outrageously expensive. Seriously.

Hello from Jolly Old

2005-10-12T04:07:00.000-07:00

Arrived safely in London, with 89-year-old grandmother in tow, and following a terrible 25 minutes where we circled around Heathrow waiting for 6am so we could land. Talk about feeling like puking... So far the jetlag hasn't been too bad, though I wouldn't say I'm in a normal sleep schedule yet.

Britain is... well, both as I remember it, and also not. North American-inspired coffee culture (or is it silly to call it that? Was our cafe culture originally inspired by Italy? Probably) has taken over, and there are Starbucks aplenty all over London. Everything is very expensive (don't even THINK about the currency conversion or you'll cry) and I feel quite aware of my accent that makes me stick out like a sore thumb. But at the same time it's useful, as it lets me get away with a lot -- like having no idea whether I'm on the right bus.

Being here is interesting because it helps me to understand some of my psychological make-up... the legacy of two British parents raised very much in the stiff-upper-lip tradition. Also makes me grateful that they moved to Canada and raised me there.... my life would have been very different here.

Currently I'm in Ramsgate, visiting my other granny who isn't so well these days. Apart from making her have a dizzy spell yesterday, because I was out for a bit too long and didn't call to tell her I was running late, it's been great. Tomorrow I head back to London, and then up to Yorkshire for Gerald's wedding. Exciting! Only apparently you HAVE to wear a hat to weddings in England. So after I post this I'm heading to the many charity shops here in town to look for something outrageous to put on my head Saturday.

Cheerio...

On the Road (Again) Tomorrow

2005-10-07T08:43:00.000-07:00

In 24 hours I'll be leaving for the airport to fly to London Heathrow...

Woah.

Maybe I should get packing!?!?!? Five weeks, almost winter, one suitcase... it's a daunting job.

Google Desktop

2005-10-04T10:10:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I watched this (and linked to it below, in case you missed it). And it was a bit creepy, as I mentioned. Definitely food for thought.

And then this morning I click through to read about the latest features just released in Gmail, and they tell me about the new Google Desktop. And it sounds kinda cool... but I'm scared to download it because it sounds a little too much like the vision of the future laid out in the flash video thing I watched yesterday.... Is it really safe to trust the privacy policies that everyone professes to follow? Or is this just another place where resistance is futile and so I might as well be a hip and groovy early adopter?? Hmmmmm....

New Merger

2005-10-03T14:18:00.000-07:00

Me: "Hey Kate, guess what you can do with Flickr and Blogger!?!?! Check it out!!"

Kate: "I dunno... You can flick a blog? Blog a flick? Flog? Flogger!!"

Is anyone out there listening? I think it's genius (even more so than the Flickr badge to the right there, which is what I was talking about). Though it could lead to something like this, which you should watch, and is a wee bit creepy...

Raising the Bar on Hollyhock Parties

2005-09-26T18:09:00.000-07:00

Originally uploaded by kk+.

We set the new standard on Saturday night at Web of Change. All Purpose and Timothy Wisdom rocked the house all night, and everyone got down (as the photo shows, and yes that's me at the front and centre of the dance floor, basking in the fact that somehow all the band members had arrived safely on Cortes with all their instruments and the sound guy had showed up with all the gear and everyone was happy and it really did happen). I understood why party promoters do it. A ton of work, and you have to stay to the bitter end when really you just want to sleep... but it's so great to look around at a bunch of people having a great time and know that you were part of making it happen!!!

Survey Chimp?

2005-09-23T14:46:00.000-07:00

From across the dining hall here at Web of Change, I just overheard a snippet of a conversation about the evolution of SurveyMonkey. Okay, so it was a joke. Such is the humour around here!

Other interesting stories include that one participant blogged early this morning and mentioned "Jason Bogus" by accident (rather than Jason Mogus, president of Communicopia, and another participant read his blog post through RSS feed and Technorati or something (this is still new-ish territory to me, but at least I knew what Drupal was even before I got here), and commented out loud from the other side of the room that some moron had written Bogus instead of Mogus, and that first person overheard him and fixed it. So this message went from Hollyhock to Vancouver to outer space and then back down to Hollyhock. Or something.

The other fascinating thing here is the friendly divide between those who find that above story to epitomize what is cool about the world, and those who roll their eyes and suggest that we should all go get in the hot tub together. (And no, no one has yet tried to take their laptop in there. There are still SOME sacred cows.)

A little too much fun

2005-09-20T16:40:00.000-07:00

I really am a loser. First I write a whole post about my laptop, and now this:

Avery Print

It's way too much fun. I just made the most fun bunch of address labels ever. They have this whole thing where you can use templates to design the most hilarious labels (and whatever else) you can imagine. Using the cheesiest pictures you can imagine. I giggled all the way through....

Mac Woes

2005-09-16T21:56:00.000-07:00

Why oh why oh WHY must my Pismo laptop make me so crazy? I used to love it so much. I sang its praises to high heaven. I wanted to be in one of those ads that feature happy ex-PC users who have seen the light and now look delighted and cool and hip and use Macs. I really did.

But ever since last March, when my hard drive went completely bust, completely out of the blue, it's been nothing but a nightmare. I feel like wailing and screaming, but instad of that, I'm going to offer you the complete sad and sorry tale.

My first move was to enlist a friend at Mount Madonna to try and fix it. Three friends got involved, actually. They did their best (it was truly a valiant collective effort), but in the end, all we managed to do was extract the data and save it to a back-up drive. Better than nothing, no question. Thanks Tom, Ramnath and Sri Gyan!

So I got online and bought a new hard drive, bigger and better, and had it shipped to me at MMC. Feeling happy that I was in the US and could buy in the US and get it shipped so fast so cheap. Little did I know....

After it arrived, Tom went to a lot of trouble to install everything, and we did our best to slap back in my old files. But something went terribly wrong. I never did find out what. All I know is that it worked for about ten minutes, and then it didn't. At all.

At this point I was getting ready to leave Mount Madonna (in addition to getting ready to throw the darn computer on the floor and jump on it in a fit of frustration), so I just took the darn thing home with me, busted, and figured that sweet Raj back in Vancouver would help me out. Which he did. Only after an assessment of the situation, he pronounced my new hard drive to be dead beyond any hope of repair.

So what to do? As it turned out, Fujitsu America didn't want to deal with me, as I was now in Canada without a US shipping address, and Fujitsu Canada wouldn't help me because it was purchased in the States. Watch out for that, fyi. So in the end, another friend had to get involved, and I gave Justin's father's address to Fujitsu so they could send me a new one under warranty. In the meantime, Raj installed his back-up hard drive so at least I had a computer to work on. Thanks, Raj!

I shipped the broken one off to Texas. And then I headed off on my summer of adventure, leaving the blasted laptop back at Graveley Manor with Raj. The hard drive took a while to be delivered to Justin's dad, but I did eventually get a call from a perplexed woman in California wondering who I was and why she had a package with her address and my name and phone number from Fujitsu. Sorted that out, and she said she'd mail it. Thanks, Justin, Gordon and Susie!

Then it took a long time to arrive in Vancouver, but eventually it did. Of course, it was delivered to the post office, who required me to go in and sign for it. But I wasn't going to be in Vancouver before the final date they would keep it till, so I had to write a permission note for Raj, with a copy of my ID, so he could go get it for me. Thanks again, Raj!

Raj continued in his role of superhero by spending hours with my machine, while I was waltzing around yoga boot camp and whatever else, and he got it working fabulously. He even had to go to three different stores to get four tiny screws to keep it safely in place. When I picked it up a couple weeks ago, it was a beautiful, fast, quiet little laptop with all my old files, pictures, music, programs, everything. I was very happy. THANKS RAJ!

But then... oh no, this story does not yet have a happy ending... but then last night, it started to go weird. It froze on me, and I had to force it to shut down. Then it wouldn't boot. I got on the phone to poor Raj, who got me to reset it, after which it worked again. But since then, in a mere 24 hours, it has frozen three times, and I have had to reset it as many. I've also had to repair permissions in order to get Word and Excel to work again, after they inexplicably decided to STOP working.

What is going on? What will be the next chapter in this sorry soap opera of the Pismo? I'm not sure I can take much more. All I know is that if I didn't have kind Mac wizard friends, I would have spent more on fixing this thing than it is worth. Seriously. (Maybe then I would have just decided to buy a new G4 and wouldn't be going through any of this, though? Hmmm.)

If you are still reading at this point, I'm amazed. I can't believe I just spent 20 minutes writing out the whole drama... of my laptop. If you are still reading because you think you have the solution... I'll love you forever! Any takers?

Living with the 'Rents

2005-09-13T14:48:00.000-07:00

So as you may have gathered from my other (sparse) entries this summer, I have been living with my parents since late June.

I am 26 years old. Apart from three summers - ages 18, 19 and 20 - I have not lived with my parents since I was 17. And really, I haven't been here full-time, even -- I've been out of town for more than four weeks put together.

I never would have done this if they hadn't recently moved to Victoria from Calgary. But I figured that I could probably handle living with my (much mellower) retired dad and my ever-sweet mum in their lovely new ocean-view home. Especially since it's free.

It hasn't been that bad, in a lot of ways. I've "grown" enough that I can pretty much keep my cool in the face of most things. I have access to a vehicle. The weather has been nice. The fridge is always full. It's been great hanging out with my little sister (who just left for the UK for 8 months this past Saturday).

But I'm about done, now. It took a while for it to become clear to me that some things DON'T change much, and that it's really hard to try and be your adult self around your parents, in their house, for more than a few days. Argh.

I'm also about done with having such a transient existence. Who the hell am I? Where is all my shit? Which box should I look in? What comes next? Should I just give away all the stuff that I haven't even seen in months, because if I have lived this long without it then obviously it wasn't that important?

It would be nice to live somewhere that felt like MY home again soon. But it's looking like that will have to wait until January...

The End of the Summer

2005-09-08T16:23:00.000-07:00

I'm always amazed in BC how as soon as September rolls around, you just can't deny that it's over. The sun'll still be hot, if you're lucky, but the air temperature just plummets and it's all downhill from there. Not to be a bummer, or anything.

So let's see! I'm a certifed yoga teacher now. How about that!! Now I just gotta figure out how to get some experience teaching. Doing my practicum at the end of the course felt really, really good. I'm excited to start teaching -- but I don't want to rush it, and besides that, my current transience (sp?) makes it hard for me to pursue opportunities. I think I'll need to wait until I'm actually living somewhere in a semi-permanent way, for that.

The transience will continue for the next couple of months. There are two weeks left until Web of Change. Two weeks after that, I fly to London, and will spend five weeks in the UK, visiting family (particularly my ageing grannies). Then I fly home, and within a few days fly down to Arizona to spend ten days in the US Southwest with Dave, my sweetie who lives in Alaska. Time for my first-ever American Thanksgiving (or Yanksgiving, as one of my friends called it! ha!)

After all THAT, THEN I think it will be time to get serious and get a job and a place to live in Vancouver and all that jazz. Because of course December/January is always the best time to be in Vancouver. Nothing like the endless pissing rain and low-hanging cloud to make a sun-lover like me feel good. However, I do miss my community there, and lord knows I can't keep not really earning money for very much longer. The situation is starting to get dire.

This past weekend Dave came down to BC, and we went camping at Sombrio Beach, and then over to Vancouver for Sunsplash, where we saw Mofro, Isreal Vibration, Blackalicious, and Michael Franti and Spearhead. (I know a good blogger would give you links to all those acts, but whatever. Use google.) It was a really great night - all of those acts were terrific, and I have to say that it was the best Spearhead show I've seen. Michael Franti may have something of a schtick that it can seem like he sticks to, show after show, but despite that, the guy is for real. His song-writing is powerful, his spirit is obvious... how can one man be so fucking sexy on stage? I asked my friend Kate that in the middle of the show, and she looked at me and said "It's because he's channelling God up there." Amen, sister.

Adyashanti

2005-08-09T09:57:00.000-07:00

And I forgot the other important thing that happened recently...

I spent this past weekend with Adyashanti (and many others) at an intensive in Vancouver. He doesn't come to Canada much, so it was a treat. It was also totally amazing.

www.adyashanti.org

I don't want to blog about it more than that, so I won't. But it must have been real good, because I don't even have any regrets about skipping the String Cheese Incident weekend at Horning's Hideout... and that was the best weekend of my life, to date, last year. How d'ya like THEM apples!?!?

Update from the Transient Girl

2005-08-08T18:46:00.000-07:00

Where did I leave off? Right. Okay, well after all that, I went to the first half of my yoga teacher training at the Salt Spring Centre of Yoga. That ended a month ago and was great... after some initial resistance on my part, to be perfectly frank.

Then I spent a few days at my parents' place in Victoria, and then I flew to Juneau, Alaska! Yes, really, and yes it did have something to do with the special someone from Alaska mentioned in my last post. His name is Dave and you can see pictures of my trip by clicking here. Pretty crazy -- I had never even really thought about visiting Alaska, and certainly didn't think I'd be there this summer! Juneau is only a tiny slice of the huge place that is Alaska, but it is a beautiful slice. Sadly, it was also an incredibly wet slice for 3/4 of the time I was there. They broke rainfall records that week.

So I got back from that a week ago, and tomorrow I leave for the second half of my yoga teacher training! There's obviously a lot more between the lines but I'm pretty slammed right now so that will have to do...!

Still flying

2005-07-13T11:09:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I wrote a big long post about my activities of late... hit "save draft"... and it was never seen again. Fuckers.

So I couldn't bring myself to recreate it right then, but I'll try now.

Sunday, June 19th was the Commercial Drive Car-Free Festival, one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen in my whole time in Vancouver. Seriously. It was also my last day as a resident of Commercial Drive, and a finer send-off I could not have hoped for. Dancing in the streets ecstatically with all the other beautiful people, at a stage two blocks from my dear Graveley Manor, rocking out to fabulous beats and hooping in the middle of the road with thousands of other people swirling through the streets... alive with PEOPLE and not with cars... oh it was lovely.

The next day I drove my stuff over to Victoria, and the day after that, I headed up island to visit briefly with my dear old friend Paul. Tuesday Paul drove me up to Campbell River (thanks Paul!) where I caught the water taxi to Cortes. Then I spent five days at Hollyhock... highlights as follows:

- learning the fine art of conflict resolution with 8 and 9 year old boys
- discovering that I had more capacity for performing that task with calm, compassion and clarity than I might have expected
- swimming in the phosphorescents under the clear sky and stars
- getting to attend a three hour session of Rod Stryker's yoga course one morning
- getting to know Rod's lovely wife and five year old twins
- meeting and connecting with a special person from Alaska

There were more, of course, but that'll do for this forum...

I'll continue the rest of the updates in the next post!

By the Seat of my Pants

2005-06-18T20:36:00.000-07:00

Seems to be how I'm living my life these days, for better or for worse. Wanna hear where it's taken me?

Two weeks ago Amma was in Seattle. I was determined to go see her, feeling the need for a good dose of the Divine Mother. However, the ride situation wasn't coming together for me, and I basically had to resign myself to not going. As soon as I did that, the phone rang with a ride for me. So I ended up in some Luthern University getting a hug from the Hugging Saint herself. I also met a man who decided that I should organize a conference on Maui for him. There's an interesting idea, I thought to myself.

So the following weekend, I flew down to San Francisco, totally last-minute, using up my free Alaska flight voucher. I wanted to talk with him more and suss out the situation, and also to spend more time with Amma. I'm really glad I did both. As it turned out, it's not an offer that I'm going to be taking (long story). But while I was down there, I found myself at the Harmony Fest on Sunday, dancing in the hot sun with all these familiar faces from the festival scene last year... including the sweet Shane, and Alok, my dear sweet buddy from Mount Madonna. I saw Shimshai for the first time, and oh was it ever magical that afternoon.

And then I flew back to Vancouver, almost as though my little return to the Bay Area had been one sweet sunny dream (is the sun ever gonna come out up here?). And had to face the fact that my life was kind of in a shambles, by some measures. I write this surrounded by boxes and chaos. Monday I move most of my stuff to my parents' place in Victoria, Wednesday I head to Hollyhock for a week to do childcare, and then the following Tuesday I go to the Salt Spring Centre for the Yoga Teacher Training.

I think basically I'm spending the summer living out out a backpack, because I don't want to spend the whole thing in Victoria at my parents' place, when my life is in Vancouver. Right now I feel incapable of planning more than the immediate next steps in my life, and this has led to being the witness of some incredible moments of synchronicity, where really I can't do anything besides shrug and conclude that there really is a benevolent universe/god/divine mother out there who does care about me (and everyone else). But sometimes it leaves me in fits of panic that I'm just a flaky hippie who has no idea what I'm doing with my life...

Elaho Weekend

2005-05-31T08:47:00.000-07:00

Elaho Weekend
Originally uploaded by sarahfelicity.

This is the view from where I slept this past weekend... That river was pretty damn cold, let me tell you.

Blogger Hell

2005-05-30T21:45:00.000-07:00

That's where I'm probably headed, on account of not having posted anything for well over a month now, I think. I'm not sure at this point whether to do a re-cap, or just to let it all go... but maybe it would be fun to do a real quick rundown of the highlights?

I'm back in Canada now, first off. I flew out of San Francisco exactly a month ago, actually.

California - the final days

In between leaving Mount Madonna, and flying back north, I had a week to fill with adventures of my choosing. I rented a car and went on a little solo tour of Sonoma and Mendocino counties. It was an incredible trip, I loved every minute of it, and the big friendly ol' universe we live in came through again and again and again for me. It was kind of amazing. Everything was perfect and it definitely solidified my faith that it really is okay to proceed without a particularly clear picture of where you're going, carrying nothing but a belief that somehow you'll be taken care of. Highlights included a night at the Occidental Arts and Ecology Center, otherwise known as heaven on earth, a night at Orr Hot Springs (no website to link to!) and an unplanned visit to the town of Mendocino. Lowlights included traffic on the 101 heading back into the Bay Area after it was all over.

BC Election

I arrived back in Vancouver two weeks before the recent provincial election, and immediately jumped into a fundraising job with the BC NDP. I also put in some time volunteering on my friend Gregor Robertson's campaign to get elected in Vancouver Fairview. And get elected he did, on what turned out to be a very exciting day. It was definitely an upset victory, and the race had been so close that when the CBC called it in his favour, pandemonium ensued among his many friends, volunteers and fans. The excitement was super-intense... it was awesome.

Province-wide, the NDP did very well, which was great news for those of us who don't much like Gordon Campbell and his friends.

Fabulous Summer Weather

So the first three weeks I was back were pretty much grey and wet, and it was starting to seriously bum me out, when added to the uncomfortable feelings of transition I was experiencing. But then last week the sun came out, and we had a stretch of almost a week of gloriousness. I went hiking Wednesday, rock climbing Thursday, to Wreck Beach on Friday, and then Friday night I headed into the Elaho with a group of friends to camp for the weekend. All in all, a highly satisfying week, and a good way to remind myself why I wanted to be back in BC for the summer. If this is what being unemployed in the summer is like... I'll take it!

Big Sur in Pictures

2005-04-15T12:25:00.000-07:00

Click here to see them!

Those three of me from above are photo documentation of the Poison Oak Adventure (five days out, no rash... but apparently a first exposure can take up to ten days to show up, so I'm not getting cocky yet!) All that green stuff around me? Poison oak. THEN, there's a picture after those ones of a kind of rounded cliff, dropping down to the water? That's what I was climbing. You can see how there was no way out over the top, n'est-ce pas?

In other news, I'm off to Santa Barbara any minute now. To see the lovely Michelle and her adorable family, who moved down there from Vancouver last September... I can't wait!

Big Sur Beauty and Poison Oak Madness

2005-04-10T20:36:00.000-07:00

I spent the day down at Big Sur with two friends from the Center. Holy amazing place... I knew it would be, but it was still stunning. And it was such a gorgeous day. I'm still kind of intoxicated from the sun, the surf, the cliffs... and the poison oak. Whoops.

So the story goes thusly. When I was a kid, I was always a big chicken, afraid to take risks, climb things, be adventurous. Strong sense of needing to feel safe. Sometimes, I'm still that way, but I try not to be so much -- too much safe isn't good. So sometimes I do things that scare me.

This afternoon, I was clambering around on the cliffs by the ocean with my friend Ramnath. I was kind of getting into the climbing -- it felt good to use my body in that way. So there was a fairly steep face leading up to the top of a cliff, and it looked doable. So I suggested we scale the thing, thinking that at the top we'd be able to find our way back to the road somehow. It seemed like a good idea at the time. As I climbed higher, I realized that the top was pretty thick with brush, lots of it poison oak. I should have turned around then, but I had climbed high enough that the way back down looked even scarier than the rest of the way to the top. So I ignored my fear and kept climbing, grabbing onto sage brush (I think) and avoiding the poison oak plants.

Well, I finally got to the top, after brushing past tons and tons of poison oak (it was unavoidable). And I realized that there was no where to go -- it didn't lead anywhere, and I basically had to bushwhack through poison oak and other shrubs to move at all. So I resigned myself to having to make my way back through all the brush, and down the cliff face. I started having visions of needing a helicoptor rescue, because I really didn't feel too good about climbing down the way I had climbed up.

But yoga has taught me a thing or two, and of course I made it down. Keep breathing, focus on one hand hold at a time, plant your feet firmly before giving your weight, and don't look down too much. And of course I made it.

Now, I've never had a poison oak rash, but I've heard it really sucks. So I stripped out of my clothes and got in the river, and tried to get myself clean. And I put on different clothes, and I bought the requisite cleaner stuff, and I had a long shower when I got home and I think I'm just going to throw away the clothes I was wearing. And now it just remains to be seen whether I break out in a full-body rash for my final two weeks at Mount Madonna. Prayers would be appreciated...

I may change my mind if I get the rash, but for now, I would have to say that it was worth it. The exhilaration of climbing up there, and then back down, all by myself, with the strength of my own body, was worth it. And the setting couldn't have been any more beautiful.

I think I'm going to head to bed and commune with the crashing surf sound that's still in my head...

Recent Highlights

2005-03-28T11:08:00.000-08:00

Inspired by my friend Jason's blog, I think I'm going to give you a few little choice morsels to chew on. Because I'm feeling guilty about how infrequently I provide a full meal, lately.

1) Body:

Yoga (Asana) Practice is going well. I realized last week that in the time that I've been here, some things have definitely shifted in me -- which is cool, because I'd been at a (not unpleasant) plateau place for quite some time, or so it felt. I'm definitely more flexible. And the effects of NOT sitting at a desk 40 hours a week have been fabulous. Combined with a lot of other things, I'm sure, I'm feeling more ease in my body than I can maybe ever remember.

Digestive Health: Ha! Yes, I'm really going to report on this. I've spent the past month kicking my ass into gear, nutritionally speaking. And it's been fabulous for me. I realized about 6 or 8 weeks into being here that my diet had kind of slipped into something that wasn't feeling good for me. I did some research and decided that I was showing several symptoms of candida overgrowth. So I cut out sugar and wheat, pretty much, along with cutting back a few other things. And started drinking kefir and kombucha (the Culture Club is a whole other story I could tell, about all the people here who are into making both kefir and kombucha, and the claims they (and I!) make). And from there I've just kept going, and right now I'm in the second week of a herbal cleanse program. And I feel great! From the outside, it looks like I've suddenly developed all this will power... but it's not that. What I've realized (again) is that change really doesn't happen until you really, honestly want it and are ready for it... and until pretty recently, I just wasn't. Who knows, maybe I'll slide back into sugar addiction... but I'm hopeful that I won't. Everything feels better, including my mood..... and the muscle pain I was feeling, that set in after a few weeks here and just WOULDN'T GO AWAY... has definitely started to go away. Hallejuah!!!

2) Spirit:

I went to "church" yesterday, at the Inner Light Ministry. I put church in quotation marks like that because it was no ordinary Easter service. The minister there -- Reverand Deborah -- is a black, lesbian, KICK-ASS preacher, and she rocks. Her teachings are universal and inclusive, and I just really got a sense that she "gets it." She spoke of Jesus, yes... but it wasn't about the Easter story and how it means that as long as we accept him as our savior, we get to go to heaven. Rather, it was about Resurrection as a continual, ongoing process for each of us. A reminder that we may be "in it [our 'stuff'], but we are not OF it."

Rock on, Reverand Deborah. Thanks for giving me the Easter message I was seeking -- the essential teachings of Jesus, stripped away from the bullshit dogmatic interpretation.

----------------
Well, I think that's it for now. That wasn't really a few choice morsels, but oh well!

First Grey

2005-03-10T15:33:00.000-08:00

Oh, and I almost forgot....

I found my first-ever grey hair on Sunday morning. How about that? Two weeks before my 26th birthday.

It kinda tripped me out. I know, I know, one isn't a big deal... but my father was pretty much all grey by the time he was 30, and I am now afraid that I'm headed for the same fate. :)

Que sera sera.....

Shiva Ratri -- Boom Shiva!

2005-03-10T13:55:00.000-08:00

So I got back on Sunday night, and then Monday night was Shiva Ratri. Shiva Ratri is a Hindu holiday that the community here observes. From what I understand, it is considered the darkest night of the year, spiritually, and thus the most auspicious night for observance and spiritual practice (there's a whole lot of great story to go with this but I'm not even going to try). The tradition is that you fast for 24 hours, and then stay up all night, denying yourself both food and sleep, singing kirtans (devotional chants) and doing ritual to Shiva. During the day before the ritual night, 1008 clay "lingams" are made, which together symbolize Shiva, and become the centre of the temple and ritual for the night. The main room was decorated and used as a temple, and the community gathered by candlelight from about 7pm to 7am. There were some incredible and beautiful moments, musically -- some really talented people around here. Then we all processed up to the pond on the property, and immersed ourselves, along with our clay Shiva lingams, into the (cold) water.

(Are you worried that I've joined a cult yet?)

It was really great, actually. I almost packed it in around midnight, feeling really really tired. (Not everyone stays till morning, and that's totally fine.) But I stayed, and then I stayed longer, and after about 2am I realized I might as well just go for it. When daylight came, it was a gorgeous bright and sunny day, and after the ceremonial dip in the pond, I felt fantastic. I stayed up all day yesterday, riding on the sunshine and singing Shiva chants in my head.
Om Namah Shivaya!

So........ that's news. I'm still kinda tired and not quite back in equilibrium after that experience. But I feel good. There's something special about a group experience like that. I'm glad I was here for it.

Oh, and funny story... as I went to the temple for the first ritual of the evening, I surveyed the crowd gathered... and spotted none other than Baba Brinkman, a friend from back in Vancouver, sitting there. I was so surprised!! Long story, but basically, he was just in the neighbourhood -- and didn't know I was here, any more than I knew he was coming. So I've had my update on BC politics, and the experience
of showing someone new around, and the treat of a face from home, which has been fun. Anyone else wanna come visit?

Nebraska and Alberta -- sisters at heart.

2005-03-10T13:51:00.000-08:00

I went to San Francisco on the weekend, to hang out with my friend Lisa before she moves away from the city. It was my first overnight foray off the land since I've been here (9 weeks). I had a beer (!!!!), I stayed up past midnight and slept in till 9 (!!!)... I had a great time. It was a gorgeous warm sunny San Francisco weekend and I had a great visit with Amanda, another friend, and then spent lots of QT with Lisa and two of her old friends from Nebraska. I discovered that Alberta (where I'm from) actually has a few things in common with Nebraska. Like rodeos and cowboy hats and ranches and friendly kind but right-wing people. Yeehaw!

Home and Work

2005-03-10T13:48:00.000-08:00

Been a while since a last post... so here's the deal. Yes, I'm still here at the Center. There wasn't really any question, actually -- the interview was more a formality. I think I could probably stay here for as long as I felt like it and was showing up for work. However, I am currently thinking that I'll be heading back to BC at the end of this 2-month stint. The past while has been challenging for me. I'm not quite sure how to explain this. But I know that my future isn't here, and I'm feeling a hankering for the land I love so much up in BC, especially as summer approaches.

SO.... as a result of staying on, two big changes have happened in my world here. One is the change of my work schedule, and the other is a major change in my living situation.

On the work front, I am now working 8 hours a week in the Programs Office. So far, this hasn't proven all that interesting, but I think the idea is that I will begin to make myself useful as I bring my experience and knowledge from my work at the Hollyhock Leadership Institute. What is going to be tricky, I think, is doing this without stepping on any toes. Like with the MMC website, for instance. I could
say a whole LOT about how it could be improved, but it's all done in-house here and I don't want to upset the guy who does it all, you know? Or be all presumptuous like I know best somehow. My other work areas are kitchen, garden, and cleaning, and I am still learning the fine art of cleaning toilets with a peaceful and grateful heart. It's really hard some days.

On the home front -- I have been moved to "the Log Cabin", where I live with two other women. The name of our home probably makes it sound like something it's not really. It was built many years ago -- it's probably as old as me -- from salvaged scrap materials found on the property, and somehow, despite earthquakes and termites and time marching on, it's still standing. There's no bathroom, the whole thing
shakes when you step heavily, and the interior walls are made of one sheet of plywood (so you can imagine how non-sound-proofed our tiny bedrooms are). HOWEVER! It has the most stunning view of the bay and the woods, and it's bright, and I am loving it. I feel lucky to be living there. Perhaps I'll try to post a picture soon...

Things I'll never complain about again (I hope)

2005-02-13T09:56:00.000-08:00

1) I haven't always been very good about cleaning toilets. I have been known to procrastinate that task for a few days longer than I am proud to admit. But now, every Wednesday, I get to clean five public toilets, and two urinals, in addition to the two bathrooms that contain them.... And it hasn't killed me yet. So I vow that once I leave, I will never again complain about or hesitate to clean the one toilet that I personally use on a regular basis.

2) I used to get kind of weird about preparing vegetables, and the perceived hassle would often make me walk to Commercial Drive to get food to go, rather than taking the time to clean and chop fresh veggies to eat. Last week, as I peeled, seeded, and cubed DOZENS of butternut squash for a hundred people for dinner (and even enjoyed myself in the process), I vowed to myself that I would never again let one squash sit on the shelf for weeks out of hesitation to do the work of preparing it. Vegetable prep for a small meal is NOT a big deal.

3) While I've usually been pretty good about doing dishes, I've often secretly thought it to be a nuisance, and have felt dread inside looking at the kitchen after a large meal. Last night, as I worked with four other people in the dishroom after dinner, tackling the MOUNTAIN of baking trays, metal bowls, serving spoons, wash tubs, and everything else that has to be washed by hand (nevermind the mountains of plates and cutlery that had to be put through the machine), I promised myself never to think that the dishes generated by a dinner party are a nuisance. (Of course, it IS much easier to handle dishes when you have a whole room devoted to the task, with three huge industrial sinks and a tile floor that can get as wet as necessary in the process....)

Going Deeper

2005-02-10T12:51:00.000-08:00

It felt like it had been a while since I'd written a group missive, and I think now's as good a time as any. The past couple of weeks have been a roller-coaster ride, lots of sadness and discomfort layered over the gladness to be here, and perhaps I didn't want to write from one of the darker places.

Today, I feel infinitely grateful for my blessings. About an hour ago, as I lay on my back on a straw path between a row of kale and a row of cilantro, warm under the sun in the garden, looking up at blue sky and big waving redwood trees, and talked about life with a new dear friend, my contentment was pretty near complete.

It felt like the new moon this month was a heavy time around here. Many people in slightly funky moods, and the weather was overcast and a little gloomy, and I had to come to terms with the fact that I felt pretty flat, and that my love affair with every moment of every day had reached the end of its honeymoon phase. But life is ever-changing, and I certainly would prefer to be feeling yacky (sic) and challenged by my own limitations in a place like this, rather than in the middle of a rainy Vancouver winter (sorry, Vancouver friends!)

The blessing of the darker time was getting to really feel the love and support of a few key people here, and to give it back in return. This is the beauty of community, and a large part of what I came here seeking. And this does not necessarily come built-in to a community, is what I'm learning. Not everyone holds the same intentions, or the same strength of intention. It's been good for me to clarify what mine are, and how important they are to me.

So I've been here over a month now, five weeks and two days, to be precise, and I've been getting a kick, lately, out of laughing at some of the things that this fairly urban girl has learned to do, or adjust to. For instance, I seem to have gradually slid into what seems to be a way of life around here -- sporadic and infrequent showering. HA!! There's a chronic water shortage here, and residents are asked to only use three minutes of running water a day in the shower. Most people seem to prefer to shower every three or four days, and indulge in slightly more time. I have to say that I never would have believed that I could live like this... and I wouldn't want to, in the city. But we don't eat garlic or onions here (for Ayurvedic reasons) which I think keeps us less stinky and I can't say I even miss my morning shower, most days.

What else? I've been knitting up a storm, and getting enough admiration for my projects that I'm thinking about putting them in the bookstore here for sale. I'm not sure I'd actually earn enough from them to be worth the time, though.

Oh, how about the yoga side of things? That's so well-integrated into my life here that I hardly think about it, in some ways. It's been interesting. Before I came here, as some of you know, I had a fairly regular practice, which mostly consisted of asana (the Sanscrit term for physical postures). Being here has confirmed for me that I do have a pretty solid foundation in that area, which I'm glad for, as I've been able to take that and build on it here in the absense of much actual asana instruction. So that's been empowering. What has been humbling, though, and where I have been learning a ton, is in all the other aspects of this huge science, or system, of yoga (which is more or less what I anticipated). I've been learning a lot of pranayama (breathing exercises, basically), and soaking up as much theory and philosophy as I can gather. There is so much to learn here.

Which is a large part of why I don't think I can leave at the end of this month, as I had originally thought I would do, when I left Vancouver back in December. And so I applied for YSC (Yoga, Service and Community) II, and tomorrow I have my interview with the Personnel committee, to discuss my staying on for another two months. I have been approached and asked to work in the Programs Office here, thanks to my experience working in a similar environment at the Hollyhock Leadership Institute, and I also gather that the head cook here is eager to have me in the kitchen more (I guess I actually know more about food and cooking than I thought! Must have soaked up something over all those years of watching my master cook mother in action!). I'm planning to tell them that if I'm going to be inside for both office and kitchen shifts, then I also need a couple of outdoor (preferably garden) shifts as well. Because I didn't come here to spend all my time indoors again!!

Though I really don't want to leave here yet, I do miss my community back home, and I miss Canada in general, actually. Thankfully there are a number of Canadians around here, so I can pronounce things funny, and use "eh" a lot, and reflect upon the peculiarities of Americans, and not feel alone. :) I have been loving meeting people from all over the place, though -- finding out what it's like to grow up in Kansas, or South Carolina, or wherever.

So that's about all the news from here. I'm going this afternoon to walk to the Buddhist monastery up the road, because I've heard that there are Chinese New Year celebrations afoot that would be neat to check out.

--------------

PS. I actually wrote this several hours ago, and the internet was down, as it turned out. So now I can report that I had a most beautiful time at the monastery -- they are a community in the tradition of Thich Nhat Hahn (sp?) and I was there with my friend Eric, who is very very very into TNH. We spent almost an hour talking with a monk there, who invited us to come any morning we want, at 6am, for sitting practice. Which I intend to do sometime soon. We also got to stand inside the biggest bell I've ever seen in my LIFE (2 tonnes, or something? from Vietnam) while he rang it. Whew....... that was intense.

Ups and Downs

2005-01-29T17:56:00.000-08:00

It's been an interesting week. I can't believe it's been almost four weeks that I've been here... woah.

This week brought some difficulty -- for me and seemingly for most of the people in my YSC group. Apparently week 3 is often challenging. For me this was about a couple of things:

1) The crashing realization that all the parts of me that sucked before I came here, still suck. Or to put it more compassionately, even when you completely change your circumstances and much of your lifestyle, a lot of parts of you, some of them less than lovely, stay the same.

2) Group dynamics in general. If you're at all familiar with group process theory, you'll know that groups generally spend their initial time together working hard to get along, being nice, showing their best selves, trying to like and be like. And then after a while, the cracks start to show. For me, this has meant that I've wanted more time to myself, and have started to feel annoyed with certain people. The challenge now is to handle that gracefully, and recognize that annoyance with people really isn't about there being anything wrong with them. It's all about my reaction to them.

One of the big lessons I've been learning is about acceptance. You get many different opportunities to practice acceptance when you live in a community. Often these are small things, but I think they're important practice for the rest of life. Let's say I have to spend the afternoon working with someone who pushes my buttons, for example. I can spend the afternoon feeling icky inside and wishing it were otherwise... or I can suck it up and accept it and make the best of it. Trust. I'm starting to learn that resisting what life has presented you with is pretty much futile. It all happens for a reason, and man do we ever spend a lot of energy resisting small things in subtle ways.

Also been thinking a lot about destiny. Whew, that's a big word, and one I hadn't ever given too much thought to. Still got lots of questions about it, but I'm starting to believe there's something to it. I'm starting to perceive that somehow my life is actually being guided, in a way that often isn't perceptible, but it's there. And it's a huge relief to me, to start to trust that. I'm doing okay. Thank God!

Dance Church

2005-01-24T10:11:00.000-08:00

Down in Santa Cruz, every Sunday morning, there is a thing called Dance Church. A few of my friends here at the Center go every week, and yesterday I went along for the first time.

It was fantastic. SOOOOOOO fantastic. A bright room, full of happy people including some kids, great music, and such a clean high vibe. (Did I really just say that? I am starting to sound like a Californian.)

Seriously, though, I had one of the best dance experiences of my life. Part of that was probably because we have had a visiting contact improv dancer here at the Center, and she led a workshop on Friday night, which kind of got the juices flowing, and then she and I danced a lot at Church. I love contact improv, but it can definitely be intimidating to leap into. Yesterday, though, it all just flowed.

So Hooray for Dance Church! I have seen the light and I will be back to pray every week from now on. And if you're ever in Santa Cruz on a Sunday, go check it out... it's held at the 418 Project.

Bed Karma

2005-01-24T10:03:00.000-08:00

Oh, dear.

So you know how I got so excited about my new bed? And spent way too much money on it? Well, it was comfy and all. It was definitely a huge improvement over the crappy old futon, that's for sure.

Then I arrived down here at Mount Madonna. My little room has a single bed which consists of two pieces of foam on top of a board. And what do you know, I've been sleeping like a log, and waking up quite comfortably. My back feels at least as good as it did sleeping on the expensive huge mattress. So I had to face the realization that I had probably spent $1000 on something I didn't really need, since apparently a new piece of ordinary foam would have worked just as well.

And then the other day I was strolling down the hill, happily thinking to myself how good it feels to be feeling free of stuff. I have just enough clothes with me, and not much else, and don't feel like I need it. And I thought "Maybe I'll go home and sell it all! Then I'll be free to do whatever I want and go wherever I want!" The idea made me happy for a second.... until I remembered the damn bed. That huge, expensive, fat bed, which I would never be able to sell for what I paid for it.

Oh, the stuff we buy, and the way it keeps us enslaved. Sheesh.

Prayers for Many

2005-01-20T13:17:00.000-08:00

Heavy hearts down here right now. I'm afraid this will probably therefore be a rather heavy message...

There was a landslide in North Vancouver yesterday morning, a freak thing due to extremely heavy rains that swept away two homes in its path. It turns out that one of the homes destroyed belonged to some long-time members of this community where I am living. One is a woman who teaches every year at the Teacher Training at Salt Spring Center (sister centre to Mount Madonna) and is a very dear person to many people down here. Her body was found in the rubble of her home late this afternoon, and her husband is in critical condition. That would be enough all itself, but to bring it home even more, their 13 year old daughter has been on an exchange of sorts down here this year. A bright and bubbly girl who has been to hell and back in the past 24 hours, waiting to hear about her mother, learning of her death, and hearing that her father may not survive his injuries. It's SO AWFUL.

Many members of the community joined together tonight to do a healing mantra for them, 108 repetitions together, a room full of voices and spirits united, and it was very intense.

If you're reading this, then I'm asking you to please say a prayer, whatever prayer means for you, for this mother's soul, for the father and his recovery, and for the daughter, who has a long road of healing ahead of her and is being very brave.

As well (some of you know of this), my friend Nick was in an accident two weeks ago in New Zealand. He is in a coma with head injuries, the impact of which is as yet unclear, and his recovery process has been slow, though perceptible. Prayers for his healing would also be great, as he is a really amazing person and I don't think he's ready to go yet. Every Thursday at 3pm PST a meditation for his healing is being held by his friends around the world. Join in if you feel so inclined -- I guess right now I just feel like the more spirits come together in common cause the better.

And of course there are many other people every day who lose loved ones, and suffer emotionally, physically, and spiritually for so many different reasons. Lately I feel very aware of all the pain in the world. It's all part of the big picture, I realize, but my heart is hurting as it tunes in to others who are suffering these days. Heavy times.

I remain grateful for so much in my life at the same time -- the wonderful weather here, the wonderful people, the beauty that is everywhere if you look for it, the chance to grow from every experience, the gift that is life.

I'm waxing too poetic here so I'm going to stop now...
Hari Om Tat Sat.

Bliss Overload

2005-01-15T11:18:00.000-08:00

Is such a thing possible? Yesterday came close...

A brilliantly sunny day, the kind I was hoping I'd get to experience spending my winter in central California. Cool but yet warm, and the view so beautiful you can't help but break into skipping once in a while.

A solo asana practice in a warm room with a wall of windows overlooking the Monterey Bay as the sun came up.

A fun shift working in recycling, made complete by my discovery of a lonely hoop, just waiting for me to swing it around. Ahhh, my beloved hoop, it felt so good to have you massaging around my hips again!!

Two hours on dishes, rocking out to good music and finding the peace that is always present in any task if you look for it.

A fast hike with a new beautiful friend down to Gamecock Canyon on the edge of the property -- the day's light dying, the forest growing dim, the prana high, the water rushing from all the recent rain. An even quicker walk back, in the growing darkness, with the colours of the sunset visible through the trees, hearts pounding from the uphill trek, arriving just in time for dinner in the last shards of daylight.

A evening of circle singing in the Garden House, merging into musical ecstacy, a room full of people with their eyes closed in bliss, singing sounds melding together into beautiful harmony. A natural transition into a final OM, dedicating the experience to the liberation of all beings, a group hug that lasted forever, then a smaller group hug on the road that almost overwhelmed me with love. I had to tear myself away so I wouldn't fall asleep standing right there. And then to my bed for a deep dream-filled sleep...

I woke up with a bliss hangover. For real!

Update: Day 6

2005-01-10T13:37:00.000-08:00

So after 6 days here, I feel safe reporting out that all is well. I feel great rushes of gratitude every day to be here, is the best way I can describe it. Life is simple and good -- every morning I start the day with pranayama, meditation and asana. There is so much to learn, and many people to learn from, and it feels good to be getting into a solid and regular practice. The food is simple and healthy and usually tasty. I have work shifts in the kitchen, the garden, cleaning, recycling/trash... and there is also lots of time for great conversations with people, both during work shifts and off. There are some really wonderful people here and I am excited by the connections that are forming.

Yesterday was my first Sunday, and it was the most lovely day from start to finish. I had breakfast in the dining hall, and then went into town (Santa Cruz). Went to a challenging yoga class, then had lunch and did laundry, then went to satsang. The last hour of satsang is always kirtan chanting and music, but yesterday there was a
visiting musician -- one of the best wind flute players in the world, apparently. He played two songs for us with a tabla player and I just closed my eyes and was absolutely transported. It was a shock at the end to find myself in the real world again. Then I went with two new friends to the beach to watch the sunset (gorgeous), and then we went for a fantastic Indian buffet in Watsonville. Back up the mountain for more good conversation and then to bed in order to get up for 6am class again...

I wrote the following last Friday, and never finished it, but I still think it's a funny story so I'm gonna put it in here...
---------
I had my first real work shift this morning -- it was called "recycling" on my schedule but I found out that that was kind of a misnomer. Really, the "trash" aspect is just as important as the "recycling" part. So picture this... it's pouring rain. I'm wearing funny old pants that I found in the free box to work in. I am working with E, from Vermont, and N, who's 18 and has been here for a year. Our "in-charge" (manager of sorts) is a monk named V who has been silent for 20 years or so. He writes on a tiny little slate to tell us what to do. He has a great sense of humour and laughs a lot, but is also very serious and hard-working. For two hours, we haul trash and sort recycling. I got really wet and really cold -- but had a really good time, in a way. V finally told (wrote to) me to go inside and find something to do in there, and warm up. As I walked away, I couldn't stop laughing. I left a (relatively) cushy office job to haul trash with a mute monk as my boss... and it's great. :)
---------

So that's about it... all is well. Om.

Safe up on the mountain

2005-01-04T13:59:00.000-08:00

Hello world...

I've arrived at Mount Madonna Center, perched up above Watsonville, CA, overlooking the Monterey Bay. It's kind of hazy today but still very beautiful...

It's been a bit of a journey getting here, all told. After 12 days in Calgary, I flew to Seattle, where I was supposed to connect to San Francisco. Unfortunately my flight out of Seattle was repeatedly delayed, and I had to kill time (mostly knitting) in a rather ugly terminal for 7 hours, at which point they finally cancelled my flight. Lucky for me, my dear friend Damien lives close to SeaTac and he came and rescued me. I'll spare you all the frustrating details that SERIOUSLY tried my patience and graciousness, but in the end I got a free flight from Alaska, and a warm bed to sleep in at Damien's, and a ride back to the airport in the morning. So it wasn't so bad. AND I got to fly first class from Seattle to San Francisco -- and what a treat that was!!

New Year's Eve in SF was predictably wild and crazy... three different parties. Started at Sea of Dreams, proceeded to Cell Space, and wound up at the Space Cowboys afterparty, which began at 6am and kept going "until you cry UNCLE!". I cried uncle at around 9:30am, but I felt like a quitter. The place was packed to the seams with two dance floors shaking and I have heard reports that it continued right through the rest of the day. Woah. People know how to party hard in that town!

Slept for 18 hours after it was all over, and then took it easy for the next few days in San Francisco. This morning I caught a Greyhound Bus (narrowly avoided missing it, actually) and rode it to Watsonville, which is about ten minutes from Santa Cruz. From there me and my heavy bags took a $50 cab ride up the mountain (OUCH!). Somewhat to my chagrin, three different friendly people upon my arrival informed me that they would have come to pick me up for free. Unfortunately, the front desk told me yesterday that no one was available. Guess I will need to learn how things work around here!

For this afternoon, I get to unpack and settle in. Work begins tomorrow, I think. I've met a lot of people, most with Sanscrit names, and I can tell it will take a while to start remembering them all! The grounds are lovely, my room is nice (though simple), and I will record further impressions and thoughts soon.

Happy New Year!

California, here I come!

2004-12-28T20:50:00.000-08:00

I've been kinda negligent about posting during my time in Calgary -- mostly because there hasn't been too much to say. Let's see...

-I knitted a lot (including a scarf for my father). I well and truly have caught the knitting bug and am looking forward to doing lots of it between washing toilets and doing asanas at Mount Madonna.

-I sewed a lot (including tops for my mother and sister, and a fabulous New Years outfit for myself)

-I have slept very late (for me) every day, partly because I have stayed up very late (for me) every night knitting and sewing. I am amazed that after 12 days of being home, I continue to sleep soundly for over 9 hours every night. Is this gluttony, or my body catching up on something it needs? Not sure.

-I got very hammered two nights ago and felt terrible all day yesterday and remembered why I only do that about once a year. But I had a great time that night!

-I have cried a lot watching footage and reading about the earthquake and tsunamis in South Asia. I am overwhelmed by the thought of how much suffering has been unleashed by that disaster, and want to encourage anyone reading this to donate to the Red Cross or to Medicins Sans Frontiers, or another group working on the ground over there.

That's about it...

Will post an update once I'm safely in California. I fly to San Francisco tomorrow!

Happy (end of) Holidays...

Isn't it amazing...

2004-12-21T23:17:00.000-08:00

... how you can leave home, adopt a community and a life very different from the one you were raised with, do all kinds of personal and spiritual work, feel like you've really changed yourself and how you respond to your life, look back and reflect on how much better you deal with everything now than you did as a kid and a teen and even a young adult ...

... and then you go "home" to visit for a few days, and realize that your family has the ability to push buttons you didn't even know were still there to be pushed? And suddenly on day 5 you find yourself as if possessed by some demon from your past, being snarky at your sister and screaming at your father? Even though probably no one in your "new life" has EVER seen you lose your temper or scream at anyone or anything? And it leaves you wondering whether you've really changed at all, if you can still act that way, even if it shocks you more than anyone? And leaves you terrified that one day you'll have children of your own and find yourself acting out your childhood shit completely against your will?

Sigh.

Yeehaw from Calgary

2004-12-18T16:27:00.000-08:00

Time for an update, methinks.

I've been home for 48 hours, now. It's been good, but also different. Things have changed 'round here.

My parents have bought a house on Vancouver Island and will be moving out there early next year. Erego, this is my last Christmas in Calgary, the city where I grew up. This is a strange thing to contemplate, somehow.

Also, my older little brother (finally) moved out last week, and my youngest two siblings go to university on opposite coasts these days. Because of that, and because my parents were out in Victoria moving some things into the new place, there was no one here when I got home on Thursday. I had the whole big house to myself that night, and it felt just plain creepy. I had to laugh at myself, really, because I'm sure this is a far safer neighbourhood than where I live in Vancouver, and it's a far "nicer" house. But I felt scared and creeped out and alone.

I feel compelled to visit all the old childhood haunts while I'm here. This includes Heritage Park, my old church, a few old friends, the only coffee shop I love in this town, the park where I played as a kid... I'm toying with a trip to Edmonton, to visit some high school friends, but for some reason I just feel tired at the thought of that drive. Also, the weather (which so far has been ridiculously warm for December in Calgary) is supposed to turn ugly on Monday and there isn't much I hate more than being alone in a car on an icy highway.

That's about it. Due to my new suspicion that my father actually reads my blog (which you're welcome to do, of course, if you can handle learning about my kissing booth adventures and such -- hi Dad if you're reading), I am going to refrain from talking about Christmas present preparation, which has been lots of fun this year.

All right, gotta go help my mother with the decorations..... I've noticed this feels more like a chore to me this year than it has in the past. I'm reminding myself that it'll be worth it once it's done.... Sometimes I need to keep my Scrooge-ish tendencies in check!

My life of leisure

2004-12-15T09:14:00.000-08:00

It's kind of weird. I have actually been missing the structure and bustle of the office, in some ways.

And somehow, even though the only thing that I REALLY HAVE TO DO is pack up and clean my room, I have been procrastinating it like you wouldn't believe. And now I'm leaving for the airport in 24 hours, and AHHHHHH! Oh well, I suppose I don't really NEED to sleep tonight, if it comes down to that...

I'll tell you what's been great, though, and that's the sleeping. It had been a really long time since I'd had one of those sleeps where you don't wake up until morning. To me, that's the mark of a really good sleep..... because it means it was deep enough even to override my bladder. And the past two nights have been blissfully uninterrupted... no tossing and turning with thoughts of conferences, or files unsorted, or parties unorganized, or any of it. Bliss.

Okay, no more time to waste...... I got some packing to do!!!!!!

Last Days

2004-12-12T16:04:00.000-08:00

I had my final day of work on Friday. The past three weeks have been very, very busy, hurtling towards what I was right to suspect would be a somewhat anti-climactic conclusion. But I left feeling like I had done a good job in the wrapping up and handing over, and I'm glad for that.

I'm also glad that we had the Fuzzy Party that night, because I needed some sort of celebration, and that was the perfect one. The following night (last night) was another party, a joint party hosted by my (now former) organization and four others. It was fun and all (at least, other people seemed to be having a great time) but it just wasn't the booty-shakin' good time that I needed to send myself off. And frankly, I was so exhausted that it was all I could do to hold myself upright and make small talk. I spent yesterday feeling REALLY good in the wake of a great party, cleaning the house, getting my teeth cleaned at the dentist (even that was fun), and smiling my face off in the first sunshine I'd seen in days. I charged full steam ahead, but by the time I got to the party that night, I had very little left to give.

Today, I feel kind of run over. Exhausted on a lot of levels. I feel kind of sad about leaving Vancouver for three months. I feel very blessed in my life here, surrounded by people I love. To be honest, Friday's party almost overwhelmed me with the realization that lots of people love me too. But I know I've made the right decision, and I also feel grateful that I can wind down now, enjoy a long holiday with my family in Calgary, and then look forward to two months at Mount Madonna.

Peace.

Fuzzy Party

2004-12-12T16:01:00.000-08:00

fuzzy party
Originally uploaded by sarahfelicity.

My household hosted the Fuzzy Party on Friday night. A damn good time was had by all... especially me! I created myself a little fun fur ensemble and decided that as long as you're the hostess of a party, there's no such thing as "over the top".

The dance floor was shaking most of the night (click on the picture and then you can click through to see pictures of Timothy Wisdom and Riddim Fernandez -- my darling DJ wizard friends who kept things bumpin') and a couple of cops paid us a visit. But even "the fuzz" couldn't resist the fuzzy party charm, and after having a look around, he told us to turn the volume down, and keep the smokers on the back deck a little quieter... and to have a good night. We continued to rock for another few hours.

In the middle of the night, as I watched all my friends meeting new people and being happy and friendly, and as I boogied on the dance floor with all the other grinning people, and as I reflected on what a great house party was taking place in my home.... I thought to myself that any amount of mess the next day would be worth it. (Thankfully, I didn't live to take back those words!)

Damn I'm Good

2004-12-01T17:00:00.000-08:00

I should leave my job more often!

I've had such a kick-ass day. That is to say...with less than two weeks to go, I am KICKING ASS! I'm discovering just how effective I can be under duress. I've motored through so much shit this week. Having a desire to leave this position well (ie, without a whole bunch of messy loose ends everywhere), has lit a fire under my ass like no other.

It's done wonders for my self-confidence. I had forgotten what it felt like to kick ass.

(I almost had a moment of "hey, maybe I shouldn't have quit..." until I remembered that this is only happening BECAUSE I quit. Kinda like how you start appreciating your boyfriend again as soon as you break up with him and no longer have to stare down the rest of your life with him by your side....)

Morning Report

2004-11-30T10:33:00.000-08:00

Good things:

Fresh snow, and lots of it, over on the North Shore mountains. So beautiful! (A good blogger, of course, would have a photo taken fresh this morning to post here. I do not have such a photo. Maybe tomorrow I'll remember to take my camera with me as I whizz off on my bike to work.)

Bad things:

My housemate returning home ten minutes after leaving this morning, having been hit by a car on his bike. He's mostly fine, save a scraped leg. His bike is slightly less fine (and he only just bought it last week!). He was most concerned about his laptop (we live in a sick culture, folks) but it seemed to be all right as well. I hate being reminded of my vulnerability as a cyclist.

Addictive things:

I think I need to stop drinking coffee and eating chocolate on a daily basis. It's wreaking havoc on my complexion.

Movie things:

I rented Before Sunset last night, to watch all by my lonesome. Was kinda disappointed. Not even a smooch, much less a hot sex scene! Come on! But it had its moments...

Warm things:

Before starting the movie, I decided to start knitting a scarf. So I did. I love the internet! Though I have never forgotten how to knit, I never did know how to cast on. Last night, however, thanks to Diva Tribe, I taught myself. So I am a few inches into a luscious scarf. The question remains..... will I keep it for myself, or give it as a Christmas gift? Stay tuned...

Rain and Tears and Southern Sunshine

2004-11-27T11:32:00.000-08:00

There's just no two ways about it. I am not cut out for Vancouver winters.

This morning I woke up to brilliant sunshine for the first time in what feels like weeks, and I feel hope in my heart again. Life is worth living when you can see the blue sky! Hooray!

It's been a long, long week. A tiring week. I worked a LOT this week. Every night I went to bed late, and every morning I got up early and headed off to work. Thursday night after the second conference, a bunch of us went to the Boathouse Lounge at New West Quay (hangin' in the suburbs, yo) for drinks. I got home at 11pm that night, finally free from all work responsibilities for the week, collapsed into bed...

...and had to get up at 6:15 aGAIN for yoga. I made it through the class, though I was exhausted, and then had a bodywork session with my amazing RMT that must have unblocked some kind of emotional floodgates, because I cried and cried and cried for a while afterwards. His work is so subtle, but it blows my mind. (If you need a recommendation for an incredible bodyworker in Vancouver, email me.) Came home and got back into bed for a nap until noon -- sniffled for a bit and then fell into sleep. And then spent the day with that "I cried a lot earlier today and I haven't washed my face since and I'm exhausted and totally emotionally spent" kind of feeling. And it was pissing rain out in the world and I got really wet walking to the coffee shop to meet a friend and days like yesterday aren't supposed to happen every day because who would want that?

Last night Mofro was in town, and a bunch of us went out to see them. I had seen them at the High Sierra Music Festival earlier this year, and loved them. What fascinated me last night was how different it felt, watching these self-identified Southern rednecks in Vancouver in the winter, compared to at an American music festival in the summer. The cultural context just felt that much farther removed, somehow. I could feel how the reaction from the crowd was different, too. I couldn't stop laughing, actually -- JJ (lead dude in the band) just cracked me up. But no one else seemed to find him quite as entertaining as I did. I couldn't tell whether he was putting on an extra Southern redneck act for the Canadian crowd, or whether that was fully authentic. Either way, it amused me to no end. Urban Canadian culture (particularly in the winter) is pretty far removed from small-town southern red state culture.

So that's the story. I'm gonna head outside and enjoy the precious sunshine while it lasts........

Picture of Optimism

2004-11-23T09:51:00.000-08:00

That's me, this morning. I remembered last night that I could more or less choose how painful these next three days will be. Why be a masochist?

So this morning I am working productively, smiling confidently, at ease with the work before me.

To make this convincing, I should probably stop blogging.

72 hours

2004-11-22T18:31:00.000-08:00

(but not counting or anything, oh no)

In a mere 72 hours, I will be free from these two conferences that I'm in the midst of organizing. This may not be as significant to anyone else as it is to me, but trust me, it makes me really, really happy to realize that right now.

It also makes me want to drink. A lot. Tonight, as soon as I leave this office, tomorrow after leaving the office, and definitely on Thursday, after the second conference ends. But since I have yoga at 7am tomorrow and on Friday, I will probably refrain. And save myself for Friday, when Mofro hits the stage and it's a full moon and all the stress of this week will be over and oh god, what a wonderful moment that will be.

I'm in!

2004-11-20T13:03:00.000-08:00

I just had my interview with the Yoga, Service and Community Program at Mount Madonna Center. It went really well... and I'm now a confirmed participant. (Good thing, since I'd already booked my plane ticket...)

I'm excited -- as we talked, it felt even more like the right thing for me. I feel really solid in my decision to leave my job and go do this in the new year.

So California, here I come!!

Ungodly Hours and Obscene Amounts of Money

2004-11-16T22:22:00.000-08:00

I got to work at 6:30am this morning. Nope, I don't normally do that. Ever. Today was a special occasion and I hope that I won't need to do that again at any point during my last three days at HLI.

Arriving at the same time of me, to my surprise, was one of the accountants who works down the hall. She's 3rd trimester pregnant, too. "What are you doing here!?!?" I asked. She told me that she comes in that early every day. Which would be fair enough if she also LEFT three hours before I generally do... but she doesn't. Sheesh. I was indignant on her behalf.

Clearly I'm not cut out for the hard-core corporate world (well, I figured that out years ago, back when my father was really eager for me to go to Canada's best business program at Western). I am appalled by work slavery in most forms. It reminds me of this summer at Bumbershoot, when I got talking in the beer gardens with these guys who work in the big investment world out in New York. I was absolutely fascinated. I never get to talk to people like that, since my world is mostly full of activists, fun freaks, modern hippies of various stripes, urban yogis, and the odd socially responsible business person. I picked the brain of this one guy in particular, interested in part because he was originally from Vancouver, and also because he didn't seem much older than me. I would guess that our backgrounds (familial, class, etc) are quite similar... and yet we ended up with drastically different lives.

I discovered, through my slightly drunken prodding, that he worked about 80 hours a week. Aghast, I screeched "Do you have a GIRLfriend?!?" Yes, I learned. "They only see each other in bed," his friend piped up to say. The poor guy told me that he was tired all the time, that he has no time for anything besides work, and that he spends hours sitting at his computer bleary-eyed but unable to leave. (Well, I say "poor guy", but that's also a lifestyle choice he has made, presumably in large part for the financial rewards it offers. Which leads me to the next part of our conversation.)

I was bold (rude?) enough to ask what they pay him, curious as to what you can expect in exchange for selling the (arguably) best years of your life. He ducked the question, but a few minutes later he explained what keeps people going on that treadmill, even in the face of the high personal costs. The average starting salary in the industry is about $150,000, he told me. You work like a dog, obviously, but your salary pretty much doubles every year for a while. So you stick it out, because you're making obscene amounts of money, and you know that after 5 or 10 years of this, you'll be a multi-millionaire, and you won't have to work 80 hour weeks anymore. You'll be able to work 60 hour weeks, because all the new kids are picking up the slack. See the incentive?

It was hard for me to even wrap my head around, in some ways. I tried to describe my life a little bit -- my shared home, no car, job with the flexibility to only work 4 days a week during the summer, and modest non-profit salary. It sounded so simple and childish, almost, hearing it through his ears, and seeing the contrast between his reality and mine. I should admit that I have on occasion wondered if I made a wrong turn -- I'm sure I could have made a few different choices and been earning far more money by now.

But what I also know is that I have other kinds of freedom, and different kinds of richness. Richness is a good word, actually. My life has a lot of richness. And I could hear a touch of envy in his voice at the thought of my 30 hour work week and the space to enjoy my 20s. So I'm not sorry. In fact, I'm grateful.

Our conversation tapered off as the music pulled us in, but not before I heard Darcy tell him, fairly pointedly, that he ought to bring his skills back to Canada and apply them to some form of social change work. Who knows, maybe he glimpsed something in the mirror she held up that afternoon. So many pathways through this life, with so many forks to choose between. I hope he finds what he's looking for.

(And I hope I do, too.)

New Bed Report: One Month In

2004-11-13T21:20:00.000-08:00

I've decided that the only problem I have with my new bed is this:

It's SO good that it actually becomes competition for even a good party on a Friday or Saturday night. Honest. Last night the bed won over a Bassnectar show at Sonar (okay, it was the end of a long week and raining, but still). Tonight, my bed is battling with Radiance, which I'm sure will be beautiful..... but right about now, my energy is flagging, I don't have an outfit chosen, I haven't been imbibing or socializing yet this evening, and to be honest I'm kinda tempted to just spend the evening with Bed. Cozy, warm, provider of deep dreams and a sense of my blessedness on this earth.

Yay for Bed.

San Francisco Photos

2004-11-13T20:45:00.000-08:00

Art in the Mission
Originally uploaded by sarahfelicity.

You can see them all on Flickr by clicking on the picture above...

San Francisco Treats

2004-11-11T20:45:00.000-08:00

All right. It's Thursday already and I haven't yet written about my weekend in San Francisco. So here goes....

I flew down last Thursday in the afternoon. Despite my flight being significantly delayed, I was amazed at how EASY it is to fly from Vancouver to SF. I breezed through customs, breezed through security, the flight is less than 2 hours, breezed out, picked up my bag, and voila! San Francisco. Who knew?

Shane met me at the airport -- San Francisco Treat #1. That evening, we went to my dear friend Lisa's place for dinner -- where we drank wine, ate great food, and played Speed Scrabble (you can read about it here, although we played a slightly different version than the one outlined on that page).

Friday I spent the whole day thrift store shopping, basically. I went a little nuts -- I think I came home with twice as many clothes as I left with. But what better thing to do in a city full of so many funky fashionistas! It was fantastic. Advice: Start with Thrift Town in the Mission. It's cheap, cheap, cheap (but also good) and then when I later headed to the more upmarket places, I was less inclined to spend too much money on things.

Friday night was the Railroad Earth show at the Independent. I wanted to go to this because I had enjoyed seeing them this summer at the High Sierra Music Festival, but also mostly because I knew that Jason would be there. It was a happy bluegrass time, and Jason did show up, and I was very happy to see him.

Saturday we spent the whole day at the Green Festival. It was really, really great.... some powerful speakers, and wonderful to see so many people doing so much to create a better world. It's so hopeful to learn about all the green alternatives that are being created for products we all use all the time. Memorable things for me included the corn plastic that was used for food service and samples (fully compostable/biodegradeable), the guy who made fully environmentally friendly and socially responsible shoes (I wish I could remember your product name, dude), and the EcoYoga Mats. Did you know that ALL yoga mats (except these ones) are made from PVCs?!? Not only are these toxic to humans, but they will sit forever more in poisoned landfills, after their owners wear them out or decide it's time for a new colour. Given the ever-increasing popularity of yoga, and the increasing "fashionification" of it, this is pretty distressing to me. So check out these fully non-toxic, no-PVC, compostable yoga mats, and buy one of them the next time you need a new mat.

And then there was Saturday night. I knew we were heading to a party, but I didn't really know much about it. I was pretty tired, and almost thought I didn't want to go out. Oh, what a shame it would have been to miss Synergenesis! Held at CELLspace, a fabulous warehouse space in the Mission district, this was both an installation of many pieces of incredible visionary art, and an amazing dance party with fabulous music and incredibly beautiful people. I don't know how San Francisco can contain so many beautiful, radiant people. I couldn't believe some of the outfits that people were wearing. Such creativity...!

So Synergenesis kept me more than entertained until the wee hours of the morning. I met some great people, including Vera, of Hooping.Org, who I had communicated with online but not yet met in the flesh.

I don't know what time it was when the four of us wandered out into the world again. Just outside the warehouse, and around the corner, we found a poor piano lying on its side. We had seen it on our way in to the party, but back then it had been upright. Now it was looking pretty broken, and the keys were lying splayed in an interesting and no longer music-making position. Some people had tried to tear keys out. And we stopped by this piano, and I suppose we saw the art in the moment. We became part of the art in it. (See here for picture documentation.) We proceeded to make music out of this piano -- turns out there are many, many sounds you can make on a broken piano, and we had a veritable little concert going. We were also having ridiculous amounts of fun. Another group of people walked by at one point, and one of them told us that we were the most creative thing he'd seen all year. Then I got a little carried away, banging out a melody with a torn-out key on the exposed strings, and I think we all got a little worried that we'd just been a little bit too loud for 5:00am or whenever it was, and we walked away. It was hard to leave behind our new piano friend. I kind of felt like it had been left to die, no longer useful, its majestic life as a piano over, and for a few minutes, we had breathed new life into it. So I felt bad, leaving it again, probably to be found the next day and carted off to the dump. RIP, piano. I'll always remember The Piano Fiasco.

To be honest, there isn't so much to report about Sunday or Monday. There were a few San Francisco treats in there -- burritos, a trip to Cafe Gratitude, a yoga class with Amanda, a rooftop apartment adventure, but mostly it was fairly low-key. I flew home Monday evening, and the return was just as easy as the trip down. And so now I'm back in Canada, and it's good to be Canadian... but it's also really really good to hang out with amazing Americans in the Bay Area. Thanks, y'all.

Remembrance Day

2004-11-11T11:10:00.000-08:00

Today in Canada is Remembrance Day, when we honour the men who died in the First and Second World Wars (and the other ones, I suppose). Every year, I am surprised by how the occasion makes me feel. I think many of my progressive friends share my ambiguousness about it, though.

I am very much a pacifist, and I do not support war as a way to deal with conflict. But this morning, out on Commercial Drive on my way to get a coffee, I almost got teary at the sight of several old men toddering down the street in their old veteran's uniforms. I'm not sure what it is. I don't extend that same respect or compassion towards young men who have chosen to join the armed forces (at all). In some ways, I suppose the vets remind me of my two dead grandfathers, who both fought for England in WW2. I suppose it's also the thought of how terrible WW1 and WW2 were, and what some of them lived through. And it's also the whole cultural programming around Remembrance Day -- all through my childhood, every year in elementary school there was an assembly that day, where someone read "In Flanders Fields" (a poem that gives me shivers every time, even though the message does NOT sit well with me in some ways), where we had the minute of silence at 11am, where we listened to the bagpipes, where we were impressed upon how lucky we were to live in a time of peace, in a free country, in Canada.

So today I stood in the crowd of people at Victory Square for a few minutes, and I tried to sort out my feelings. And I think that for me, Remembrance Day is about honouring those who gave their lives, and who still live with the horror of what they experienced all those years ago. And it's also about remembering that war is terrible, that no one really wins.

It's a time to pray for peace, and to commit to making it a reality. Amen.

The mad musician

2004-11-10T08:53:00.000-08:00

piano fiasco
Originally uploaded by sarahfelicity.

You might well wonder what the hell is going on in this picture. Fear not, my next blog entry will reveal all.

For now, you can click on the photo and then look through the other ones from the same incident, which I'm calling the "piano fiasco."

This was taken about 4:30am Sunday morning. Good times in San Francisco...

Southbound

2004-11-04T07:52:00.000-08:00

Yippee! I'm leaving for San Francisco for 5 days, in about 20 minutes.

(I'd feel SO much better about the experience if Kerry had won, sadly. I was hoping it was going to be a victory tour down to a nation reborn. But it'll still be fascinating to be down in the belly of the beast in the wake of such a momentus occasion...)

Jesusland

2004-11-03T15:44:00.000-08:00

Courtesy of Tony Pierce and his Busblog.

Election Results 2004

2004-11-03T15:09:00.000-08:00

Sadly, this really isn't a dream.

Bush really did win the election (well, unless we start hearing about broken voting machines and not-counted votes, but so far that hasn't been the focus).

Over 58 million people voted for him. For real. (I'm actually not sure if you could find 58 million people in the whole rest of the world put together who would vote for him....seriously.)

I can't quite wrap my head around it. Despite all the scandals, the stories of corruption. All the rumours about the draft, about banning abortion. The looming possibility of more war. The growing police state. The widespread disgust with Americans in the rest of the world. The damage that will be done to the natural environment (beginning with drilling in the Arctic National Refuge, I hear). Despite the fact that Bush and his cronies directly profit from all of the bad shit happening in the world. Despite the fact that the reasons for fear are growing, rather than dissipating. Despite the trashed economy, lost jobs, and crumbling social systems. Despite ALL OF THESE THINGS, and too many more that I can't even think of off the top of my head, 58 FUCKING MILLION PEOPLE voted to say "Sure! Do it again! Do more! Here, we'll lie down on the ground so you can kick us a few more times. We like it."

Perhaps most amazing is that millions upon millions of those people who voted for him, did so directly against their own self-interest. Millions of working class Americans just voted for more tax cuts for the wealthiest part of the population.

No, that's not what's most amazing. What's most amazing is how hopeful all us progressives were. We really wanted to believe that lots of people had seen the light, that consciousness had been raised to a new level, and that people were signing up in droves to vote for a new tomorrow. Maybe they were, but for every one person who signed up to vote against Bush, there was at least one raving evangelical Christian who woke up early yesterday, prayed to God for a decisive victory, and then marched down to the polls to vote for dear old George W. As though he's a good measure of what a life lived in devotion to Christ should look like!?!? WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!! I'm no Christian these days but I've been down that road, and I really, honestly, truly don't understand how four million evangelicals can be so blind as to think that's what a spiritually evolved person looks like.

I am disheartened. And I am scared. I used to think that maybe things just needed to get worse before they got better.... but now I'm afraid, because there really is still a long way down to go, as bad as things sometimes seem right now. There's still a whole lot of damage to do along the way -- a lot of suffering to inflict. And it's going to be painful to watch.

Oh, dear God.

2004-11-02T23:56:00.000-08:00

It's midnight here on the Left Coast. The news stations are wrapping up for the night, but the new president has not yet been determined.

249 for Bush, 242 for Kerry. One of them needs 270 to win. It's all about Ohio at this point. Ohio, of all places.

I cannot believe this. I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS.

It's not over yet... but it's sure not looking good.

I'm going to sleep. Hopefully a miracle will happen overnight. Please???

From the belly of the beast

2004-11-02T13:27:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine is in Ohio right now, just coincidentally, on business. I told him to get his ass down to the Democrats election office and help out. Apparently he met with a rather lukewarm reaction, on account of being a foreigner n' all. You think they'd be eager for bodies to work today, Canadian or not, but maybe not.

So he's taken to persuading everyone in the hotel he's working in to vote for Kerry.

And he just sent me the following choice quote, straight from the mouth of one person he spoke to:

"I don't care either way to me, but I guess I'll go kerry as y'all are for him so much."

I told him to get to more of those people. Before a Republican does. Good lord.

Poor Kids.

2004-11-02T13:02:00.000-08:00

Wouldn't it suck to grow up, come to your senses, and have to live with this photo for the rest of your life?
Just because your parents sucked and made you wear a Bush Cheney hat when you were too young to know better?

Election Day 2004: Tomorrow

2004-11-01T18:47:00.000-08:00

I am scared, scared, scared.

Also optimistic.

And anxious.

And hopeful.

And many, many other bloggers have written thousands upon thousands of words about this topic, so I'll leave it at that.

With prayers for a safer, saner, more compassionate, more DEMOCRATIC North America (and a fair election would be nice too),

Sarah

Ordinary People who have seen the Light

2004-10-29T11:23:00.000-07:00

They voted for Bush in 2000... but not this time.

Even though I'm sure I wouldn't see eye to eye with most of these people in many ways, I still think this is a great campaign tool - ex-Republicans saying why they're voting Democrat this time. Nice work, MoveOn.

Mosh

2004-10-28T16:31:00.000-07:00

If you haven't seen Eminem's new video, "Mosh", yet, you really should.

You'll probably have to wait for it to load for a while, but it's worth it. It's fucking intense. I appreciate it more each time I watch it. And I hope as many "voter virgins" as possible see it before November 2nd.

Pass it along, far and wide. Don your black hoodie and take to the streets if that's your thing. Visualize. Pray. Volunteer to help get out the vote. Just don't sit back and watch. What are you gonna tell your grandkids when they ask you what you were doing on the eve of Bush's (possible) re-election?

"Restaurant Quality -- Without the Tip"

2004-10-28T13:24:00.000-07:00

That was the billboard I saw this morning, for Safeway brand pre-prepared soup.

It was a pretty lame ad, but I thought it was sort of interesting. Since when is restaurant soup the standard? Frankly, most soup I get at restaurants is pretty boring. But I guess as a culture we've moved away from "Just like Mom used to make", or even "Just like homemade, but without the mess." Ordinary people apparently don't make soup anymore. Which is too bad, because soup is good and easy and nourishing and many other wonderful things.

So here's a recipe from Epicurious.com for you to try. Go on, make a pot of soup and serve it to your loved ones. Forget Safeway and their packaged soup!

BUTTERNUT SOUP WITH CUMIN
For this soup, cook your favorite winter squash.

(note from Sarah -- I'd add some crushed garlic cloves and maybe some curry paste to this.)

3 tablespoons olive oil
3 medium onions, peeled and sliced (3 cups)
3 pounds butternut squash, peeled and cut into 2-inch cubes (8 cups)
2 teaspoons salt
Freshly ground black pepper
1 teaspoon ground cumin
3 sprigs of fresh thyme
3 cups chicken broth, vegetable broth, or a commercial broth or bouillon cubes
Croutons

In a 6-quart heavy-bottomed soup pot, heat the oil over medium heat and stir in the onions. Cover, reduce the heat, and braise for 15 minutes, checking that the onions don't burn.

Add the squash to the onions. Sprinkle with salt, pepper, cumin, and thyme; cover the pot. Braise for another 15 minutes, checking once in a while that the vegetables do not burn.

Add the broth, bring to a boil, cover, reduce the heat, and simmer for 30 minutes or until the squash is tender.

Purée the soup in a blender or food processor in batches or use an immersion blender. Reheat the soup; taste for salt, and add more cumin to taste. Serve boiling hot with croutons.

Makes 6 servings.

Feelin' the Love

2004-10-25T11:19:00.000-07:00

It was a love-ful weekend chez moi! Remember this?

Nothing all that interesting to report, just a lot of good conversations, a lot of good people, and a few moments of feeling really, really grateful for the love in my life. It's a great thing to know that you have people in your world who actually know you (bullshit along with best qualities).. and STILL love you. It's also great to have people in your life who you love dearly... warts and all.

I love love. Love is great. Love one another. Keep the faith. And make sure you're putting all your extra energy towards picturing regime change in Washington next week. They need some love down thataway.

BC Bioneers

2004-10-19T21:22:00.000-07:00

This past Sunday was one of the most intense days in memory for me, and I really want to try and get my thoughts down while the impact of it all is still fresh.

Bioneers is an annnal conference held down in Marin County in California. It is a gathering of progressive people engaged in work to make the world a better place -- in the environmental movement, the social justice movement, engaged spirituality, socially responsible business, or whatever.

The mornings are plenary sessions with truly visionary speakers from many different fields, and the afternoons are workshops. Bioneers has grown so much that satellite conferences have sprung up around North America. These conferences have live video feeds of the morning plenaries, and then organize local workshops in the afternoon. This year, I was (a small) part of the team that produced the first BC Bioneers, which ran Friday to Sunday this past weekend.

Friday and Saturday were good, but hardly bear mentioning compared to the Sunday. All the plenary speakers that morning were all mind-blowing, pretty much, and then the afternoon followed suit with two equally amazing speakers here in Vancouver.

Lateefah Simon started off the day with an incredibly impassioned talk about her work and about the importance of diversity and social justice, and basically she just kicked the ASSES of everyone listening. She lit a fire under mine, for sure. She's an utterly amazing woman, 27 years old, and totally on fire. There is no time to waste, my friends, and there is much work to be done. "I am weary, but I am NOT WEAK! And though I am overwhelmed at times, I am also OVERJOYED!" Lateefah, you ROCK.

Next up was Wanjira Mathai, who is the daughter of Wangari Maathai, who just won a Nobel Peace Prize for her work with the Green Belt Movement in Kenya. She was pretty inspiring too, speaking about their work that empowers women and re-forests their land which has been pretty much desecrated.

I'm not even totally sure what Terry Tempest Williams talked about. All I know is that by the end of it, I was a weeping (but inspired) wreck, along with most everyone else both in Vancouver and on the screen in California. She spoke about freedom of speech, and politics, and her father, and her brother's battle with cancer, and connecting spirit and action, I don't know what else. But she had me completely captivated, and completely moved, and she was totally amazing, and it's a good thing there was a half-hour break after her because I needed the time to go and cry in the arms of several other wonderful women friends who were also weeping.

Paul Hawken gave a talk that was inspiring in many ways, and I liked his presence on stage. But I'm still working through some of my questions about his content - mostly related to splitting the world into two camps -- us, and all those bastards running the Republican Party, and Enron, and Shell, and whatever. Yeah they're bad and sometimes I think they really are EVIL but I also think that the world isn't quite that black and white. And I'm not sure I can really get behind lumping together all the people in the world who self-identify as doing good for the world -- that's hardly a unified group. But the point that everyone gathered at Bioneers that day is somehow part of the largest social movement EVER, and that there are so, so, so many people engaged in good work around the world, is an important one.

The morning was wrapped up by Aqeela Sherrills, an incredible man who does peace work with gangs in the harshest neighbourhoods in the US. And after years of doing this work, his eldest son was shot dead earlier this year by a young gang member. And listening to Aqeela stand there, and speak about what he calls the "Reverence Movement" was really incredible. Not a shred of anger, or need for retaliation, or even self-pity, in his voice. Nothing but forgiveness, perspective, spirit, and, well, reverence for life. At the end, he said he wanted to dedicate his talk to his new grand-daughter, born just two weeks earlier. As I tried to puzzle out how he could be a grandfather when his oldest son was just killed, he told us that one week after his son was killed, they discovered that his girlfriend was pregnant. I thought my heart was going to break.

So that, my friends, was the morning. I was exhausted by this point, both from lack of sleep (the party the night before was pretty fun) and from emotional overload. It was good though, you know? I love a good cry, particularly when it's a Way Bigger Perspective induced cry. But it wasn't over yet.

After a lunch break, Rex Weyler got up on stage for his keynote address. Now, I've seen Rex speak a couple of times before (recently, actually, at Web of Change a month ago), and frankly, hadn't been blown away. But on Sunday, he was fantastic. He stood up there, looking about as wrecked as I felt, and proceeded to tell us about the past 24 hours of his life. This blog entry is getting long so maybe I won't tell it all...... but suffice to say that it involved a suicide attempt by a foster child, and then news from his 25-year-old nephew who had been shot with rubber bullets full of tear gas at an anti-George Bush rally the day before in Oregon. He hadn't made it to the morning plenaries, but he showed up in a similar state to anyone who had been watching -- heart cracked wide open, raw, vulnerable humanity exposed, cleansed by his own tears. He spoke about the gift of having one's heart cracked open by pain, and he spoke about the importance of standing up when you see injustice, and taking action for what you believe in. Such cliches, sometimes, but not when they are spoken from the heart with such depth and sincerity that it was beautiful.

And was that it? Oh no. Next we got Ann Mortifee, a woman who's practically a movement in and of herself. She spoke beautifully and compellingly about.... well, about a lot of things, many of which are hard to re-tell. About her work with Aboriginal elders over the past many years. About how we are all called - we are all chosen. About how even if you aren't clear what you are called to DO, that's okay - keep moving and keep trusting that the spirit of our ancestors is guiding us, waiting to help us heal the earth and its people. About how humanity is waking up. She told some awe-inspiring stories of moments when the universe gives you the little nod of its head, the quiet assurance that you're exactly where you're supposed to be. And then she gathered everyone in the room into two big circles, one inside the other, and she led us in a song. "We are listening to the heartbeat of our mother earth..... listening to the heartbeat of a new birth." I had shivers the whole time. The birth symbol is such a powerful one..... And at the end, there we were, a roomful of people with open hearts and fire in our souls. With a lot of cleaning up to do. Well, that's basically the bigger truth of things, too.

There's so much work to be done..... but I left that day with a deep sense of peace. We really are in the midst of something unprecedented, and the spirit that's awakening in the world is awe-inspiring. And so endeth the long story of Bioneers. Thanks for hearing me out.

Fall n' Leaves

2004-10-16T09:03:00.000-07:00

Fall n' Leaves

I wasn't really sold on the sepia function on my camera, until I started taking pictures of fall.

Photo Evidence

2004-10-16T08:55:00.000-07:00

And there she is, right after finishing the race...

Go Mom!!

Marathon Mom

2004-10-14T21:28:00.000-07:00

I didn't know that I would, but I found watching the marathon runners and walkers really moving. Especially the slow ones, actually. The ones who are doing their first marathon, and don't look like the kind of people you'd expect to be participating in such feats of endurance. They probably didn't think they were that kind of person, either, until they decided to prove to themselves and others that they could be.

So it almost made me want to cry, watching these ordinary people push themselves to their edges and find out that they are bigger than they knew. It's kind of a similar thing, in a way, to monks who perform crazy feats of insane endurance as part of their pursuit of enlightenment. You can read one such story (and I recommend you do) through a link on this page.

The people who anticipate a finish time of more than 5 hours start the marathon at 6:30am, while the fast folks start at 9am. My mother was aiming for a time of 6 hours to walk the 42km course. My 8km race was at 7:30, so I ran it (happy with how I did, fyi) and then picked up mom's car to drove out to the half-way point to look for her, around 9:30.

She came trucking along with her two friends from the Running Room in Calgary shortly after I arrived. I cheered for them, and then walked alongside them for about a km. They were going FAST! I don't think I could walk that fast for 6 straight hours. After I left them, I walked back to the car, and cheered for everyone who passed me along the way. One woman, probably around 40, jogging along alone, looked at me and smiled and called out "Thank you so much for your support!!" I felt a rush of love for her and for all the others out there, still going after three hours of running alone, with three more yet to go.

At the 38km mark, I met up with Mom and Michele again. They weren't feeling so hot -- tired and sore. "You're 90% done!" I cheered, walking alongside them. "You're doing SO GREAT! It's JUST AROUND THE CORNER!! I'm so proud of you!" They both told me how glad they were that I was there right then, and they kept on trucking along. I got in the car and went downtown to meet them at the finish. And finish they did -- at EXACTLY the time they had both hoped to make. I took pictures and did a lot of proud squealing.

It was great to be the one cheering on my mother, after all the support she has offered me over the years. I felt so proud of her -- as well as inspired and moved. Hooray for her, and for all the others who completed a big personal goal in that race!

Running Around

2004-10-07T19:27:00.000-07:00

Back in high school, I was a pretty good runner. I was on the cross country team (captain in my grade 12 year) and did pretty well at all the competitions. I ran track too, but cross country was more my thing. Fall meant crisp afternoons running on the leaf-covered trails in Edmonton's river valley.

But then I kinda stopped running, more or less. I mean, I've never totally stopped, but I've been a pretty darn occasional jogger for the past several years. Sometimes I think back to the days when I kicked ass on the trails and wonder what happened to that fitness machine (well, then I remember how much more I like myself now, even if high school Sarah would have creamed current Sarah in a race).

Only a good friend of mine is dating this ultra-marathon runner, and so she's gotten into running. And last Friday I went with her for a run over on the North Shore, not really realizing what I was getting myself into. But at the end of the 12km run through the mountains, I felt great! And amazed at myself. Who knew?

I ran by myself a few days ago, and then she and I went for a long run together yesterday, around Stanley Park and back to Kits. Probably 14 km or so -- it took an hour and a half. YAH! I think I might just be on my way to being a runner again!

Inspired by all this, and by my mother who is going to be walking the Royal Victoria Marathon this weekend (GO MOM!!!) I entered myself in the 8km race that happens at the same time as the marathon. I'll just need to remember not to go too FAST, because I definitely haven't been training for speed and I'd like to be able to walk the next day... and I also remember the weird drive that kicks in whenever I hear a gun go off at a start line. Wish me luck.

(mini) Identity Crisis

2004-10-06T13:39:00.000-07:00

We posted for a replacement for my job yesterday.... In case you're interested, you can see it on HLI's website.

I'm having a wee bit of shock at the reality of giving up my job. I mean, it's a big part of what has defined me for the past almost 2 years. I like a lot of things about it. And so I'm feeling a bit protective of it and unsure that it was the right decision.....

But then I remember that sometimes you just have to leap, trusting that the net will appear. And that it's kind of like a break-up... You start questioning your decision and seeing all the good things after you leave, but you need to remember that it was the leaving itself that let you get that new perspective. And then you can sometimes go back for a while, but it usually only makes you realize that your intuition to leave was actually correct. So I'm going to stand by my decision, and resist the urge to grovel for messy post-break-up sex. Ha.

We have to clear space in order for new opportunities to come into our lives.

Daily Dose of Imagery

2004-10-06T12:37:00.000-07:00

[daily dose of imagery]

This is my new favorite page. His photos are always amazing -- some fantastic captures of the beauty to be found in urbanity if you look for it.

Fat-ass Matt-rass

2004-10-05T07:50:00.000-07:00

When they arrived with my new mattress yesterday, I almost thought I'd made a mistake. It's enormous. You lose perspective when you're in the showroom because they're ALL pretty big, but seriously, it's about a foot thick, and it looks infinitely larger than the flattened futon it was purchased to replace.

Then I slept on it. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

A note to my American friends

2004-10-04T13:05:00.000-07:00

I didn't write this (my dear friend Stephen did), but I'm posting it anyway in the hopes of reaching a few American eyes and hearts. I hope it resonates....

-----------
Friends;

This is one of those rare moments when it’s frustrating being Canadian.

Frustrating because as a Canadian I am forced to be on the sidelines during the critical final 4 weeks of the most important election of our time.

In a few short weeks the American people will cast a vote for the next President of the United States. If George W. Bush wins, I fear for what might happen to America, and what might happen around the world.

As a Canadian who cares deeply for so many Americans, and who loves the American landscape, and who cherishes the better parts of the relationship our two countries enjoy and accepts the frustrations that this relationship can sometimes bring, I want desperately to work to elect John Kerry as the next President. Not just because it will punt W. back to the small town in Texas that is currently missing its village idiot, but because John Kerry seems to me to be a man of some vision, passion and intellect who can lead America back to a place of greatness.

But my hands are tied. We tried putting up a web site – Canadians for Kerry – to help register Americans living in Canada, but had to pull the plug. I personally signed up to volunteer in a swing state during the last week of the election, but was told that Canucks can’t help in this way. So now all I can do is fret over the morning polling numbers and implore my American friends to do what you can. My hands are tied. Yours are not.

Many of you have been fighting valiantly for many years now against the Bush administration. Many of you have been in the trenches of this current Presidential campaign. Your leadership is inspiring.

Yes, it’s been a long, hard 3 ½ years of fighting the Bush Administration on every front. I know that you are tired. Some of you have lost faith in your country. But now is not the time to lose hope for our future.

Now is the time to walk down (or dial up) to your local Kerry campaign office and sign up to do what you can: staff the phones, organize rallies, stuff envelopes, answer emails, raise money or pull vote on election day. As we all know, little things (like dimpled chads, and 500 + votes) make a difference in an election. You working to get Democrats to the polls on November 2nd could make all the difference in what will undoubtedly be a very, very close vote.

What matters is that you do something.

November 3rd will mark the beginning of a new era for America, and for the world. What we do in the next 4 weeks will determine the nature of that new era.

Stand up now. Its time to get to work.

As a bystander to this election, but as a participant in the global community so affected by the US Presidency, I thank and applaud you.

Stephen

No more sleeps!

2004-10-04T07:16:00.000-07:00

My new mattress arrives today. I am so excited!!

Unfortunately, the experience of assembling my new Ikea frame last night was almost enough to dampen my new-bed excitement. Jay-sus murphy, it wasn't all that fun. And it's still not done. And they never mention that you really need a drill to do the final stuff.

In other news, I am taking a 5-morning yoga intensive this week at The Wandering Yogi. 5am - 6:30am. Really. The first morning was yesterday -- Sunday. Saturday night I was at one of the best house parties ever and I had to leave early in order to get 3 hours of sleep before it started. Worth it? Not sure. In hindsight maybe I should have stayed at the party all night and then gone straight to class. All the report-backs I've heard are that the fun just kept going all night long... Dammit.

Pretty New Money

2004-09-30T06:58:00.000-07:00

The new $20 is out today... (Highlighted above are the new security features.)

I have to say that as much as I'm not a money-obsessed person...... I find myself strangely proud that the Canadian bills are so much more interesting than the US ones. Come on -- it makes no sense to have them all the same colour!

Hooping at WOC

2004-09-29T14:14:00.000-07:00

Hooping at Web of Change 2004

Cute, n'est-ce pas? You should have seen this one before we took out the red eye.

Zzzzzzz

2004-09-28T10:01:00.000-07:00

I decided recently that I need a new mattress. Immediately. A few experiences of sleeping on quality beds in the past while have forced me to admit that a large degree of my morning back pain and general achiness is due to sleeping on a shitty old futon.

So I'm gonna take the plunge. Maybe I'm finally getting older and more responsible. I mean, I'm about to make an INVESTMENT in a quality bed. I keep telling myself I should wait, until I'm more "settled" or whatever, but... whatever. Every night I go to sleep fantasizing about a new bed, and irritated to have to sleep even one more night on my futon. I wake up and fantasize about a new bed, and feel irritated to be sore after sleeping on my futon. I sit at the office thinking about how much I'll enjoy sleeping on a new bed. I can't wait to meet my new bed!

I'm going to Sleep Country Canada today and if something grabs me, I'm going for it. I'm so excited I can hardly wait.

Interesting fact: I was told once that mattress sellers spend a TON on advertising. The reason for this? The average turn-around between deciding "I REALLY need a new mattress" and actually making the purchase is really short -- something like 2 days. So they have to be on the ball, and have constant ads out there, in order to grab the poor suckers like me who have finally reached the end of their ropes and decided that they're willing to spend a whole paycheque to sleep better. Suck me in, then. I'm all yours.

Shudders

2004-09-27T16:46:00.000-07:00

New York Teens & the Prescription Pill Culture

This article has left me feeling extremely disturbed.

The story of how I stumbled across it is somewhat ironically amusing, incidently -- an article in Utne called "How Blogging Ruined My Life" led me to check out Gawker.com, one of the blogs mentioned. It linked to the above article, which has left me sitting at my desk with a depressed, creepy crawly feeling. A feeling that I'm sure could be quickly remedied by one of the many prescription drugs discussed in said article. Ha.

To me, the biggest thing it speaks to is how sadly, sickly spiritually disconnected this culture we live in has become. The article is about affluent New York teens and their use of prescription drugs. So these teens, I suppose, represent the ultimate of high-end American popular culture -- ultra-urban, ultra-hip, ultra-consumerist. Ultra-post-modern and cynical. They want for nothing, materially speaking, but they're left so empty...

I'm having trouble articulating what I'm feeling. There are so many issues mixed up in that long article. There's the war on (some) drugs, and the multi-billion dollar industry surrounding pharmeceuticals (other drugs). There's my sense of how much being a teenager has changed just in the ten years since I was a teenager (not really a long time in the big scheme of things). Right now I feel like we're on a really sick, sad trajectory, and my heart hurts for all of the teens in this article (who are representative of much more than just themselves) who have somehow grown up without any sense of responsibility or respect for their own bodies, heads, hearts, and spirits.

I want to get off this computer and off to my yoga class, out into the sunshine and onto my yoga mat, where I can breathe, and connect to what matters, and calm myself. And so I'm going to leave this feeling unfinished. Because I could write pages, but my blog probably isn't really the place to begin a thesis.

(didn't know I was) unamerican

2004-09-27T12:00:00.000-07:00

I'm Canadian, so I suppose I knew I was unamerican... but check out this short flash movie anyway, because it's a good one.

Regional Park Goodness

2004-09-26T20:44:00.000-07:00

Vancouver is such a great place to live, as long as you take the time to enjoy all it has to offer within such close proximity.

This weekend, I went to Pacific Spirit Regional Park (aka the Endowment Lands) with Stacy for a walk (yesterday) and over to the north shore, to Capilano River Regional Park with Jason for a hike (today). Both were so beautiful, and so easy to do with the assistance of a CAN car.

Sometimes I forget that I live in such a beautiful place, because it's easy to get stuck in East Van and feel like you're surrounded by nothing but urbanity and semi-industrialness. Which you are...... it's just important to remember how easy it is to escape.

Wish I had something profound to offer right now, but I don't. And I have a headache from talking on my cell phone just now. That always freaks me out more than a little. Are we just a generation of guinea pigs? Will there be a massive epidemic of brain tumors in ten years time? Should I get my ass in gear and find a headset to use?

With those questions spinning in my sore little brain, I'm signing off and heading to sleep.

Web of Change Download

2004-09-23T09:26:00.000-07:00

The great thing (one of them) about going to a conference that's all about technology and social change is that the room is full of people who can do cool things post-conference -- like host all the photos in one place, teach the lesser geeks (me) how to FTP to the server, set up a wiki for collaborative discussion, build you a social networking tool if you want one... and so on. I think there's a committee dreaming up the best ways for us all to keep in touch and keep the communication going and the inspiration flowing.

And there definitely was a lot of inspiration! It was such a pleasure to spend four days with such an amazing group of people. Wow. I'm almost inclined to write about each person and the important work they do individually.... but with 40 of them, that might take a while.

Days were filled with interesting discussion, learning, laughing, and thankfully much better weather than we had anticipated. (Agenda is available here.) Evenings were filled with beer and wine, mostly. Well, we also had a "Speedgeek" -- kinda like speed-dating, only better! Or not. :) Everyone who has a project they're excited about prepares a 5-minute presentation, and then the room is set up so that groups of people go around to each station in turn, and spend five minutes learning about said project. Hard to explain, but interesting to watch.

The final evening of the conference was the now-infamous Bluff House Party.... there are some pictures of that in the link that follows. It never ceases to amaze me what a difference a flash makes to a party picture. If only there was some middle ground -- some way to capture the lower lighting and soft colours, and a bit of blur to better flatter the drunken sweaty party faces, without TOO much blur. A baby flash combined with a slightly slower shutter speed. Well, my camera doesn't do it. So I play around on both edges of the spectrum.

My Web of Change 2004 pictures are available here. As other participants upload their photos, there will be a whole lot more...

Hollyhock Shell Shocked

2004-09-22T14:12:00.000-07:00

I'm back... And I'm still in the now almost familiar state of "post-Hollyhock shell shock."

Also not sure how much of my experience is relevant to my blog.

Will post something soon... but I have also arrived back to a veritable onslaught of work stretching ahead for the next two months and I should probably get a little more serious around the office.

(Did I just write that out loud?)

Communing with Geeks on a remote island

2004-09-15T20:33:00.000-07:00

That's what I'm off to do!

(And please note, I use the word "geek" in the most affectionate term. In case that wasn't already assumed.)

Web of Change starts tomorrow and I'm really excited. I always love heading up to Hollyhock for a workshop I've coordinated. Why, you ask?

1) I get to meet all these great people. All the workshops I organize through my work are for people who are doing cool work in the world - usually environmental activism, but this time it's people who are interested in the intersections of technology, the internet, and social change. I'm always so inspired by all the amazing people and what happens when they get together.

2) I get to be a celebrity of sorts. Everyone "knows" me by way of all the organizing, cattle-prodding emails I've sent them, so they're all excited to meet me. I can't tell you how many times I've heard "Oh, you're THAT Sarah..." and then later "To tell you the truth, I was expecting you to be older." (One guy told me that he had assumed I was a middle-aged woman from the tone of my emails. I'm still not sure how I feel about that one.)

3) Four words: Clothing Optional Hot Tubs.

4) Two more words: Naked Hooping (usually under the moon and stars). (HEY WAIT... I mean hooping as in HOOPING. I don't want to know what other kinds of naked hooping you might have thought of.)

5) The food is fabulous, abundant, and healthy.

6) It's better than the office, but I still get paid.

7) Hollyhock is beautiful. In fact, the whole of Cortes Island is beautiful. It's one of my favorite places on the whole planet. Amazing things happen on that island. It's the kind of place where major epiphanies just seem to happen.

I think that's enough reasons to love going to Hollyhock.

Now I gotta finish packing...

Oh, but I'm going to leave you with this. Some of them made me laugh pretty hard.... Actually, I think he blows his load on the very first photo. They don't get too much better than that, in my opinion.

Welcome, Winter

2004-09-14T20:08:00.000-07:00

Canadians tend to talk about the weather too much. I'm not sure why... but I'm about to engage in just that.

What the hell happened to our summer!?!?!?

It was scorching hot and gorgeous for weeks upon weeks upon weeks, and then one day, in mid-August, it started raining. It hasn't stopped since. And when the sun finally poked its head out again after a while, it was obvious that fall had snuck in under the cover of rain. Even in the sun, there's a bite to the air.

It's funny how suddenly it can sneak up. Yesterday I wore a winter sweater all day, and wore gloves for my bike ride to work. First time for both of those since last winter. Siiiiiiiiiiiigh.

Three years ago, I spent a chunk of the winter in South East Asia. It confirmed what I already knew -- I much prefer heat to cold. I have no problem with warm weather day after day after day. I'll even take sticky and humid (though I've never experienced seriously extreme versions of either.....).

I arrived back in Vancouver right before Christmas (a mistake in hindsight, but oh well). It was such a shock to the system on a lot of levels. Physically, for sure: I landed to about the worst weather that Vancouver ever gets -- icy rain, windy, and hovering around freezing. But I was also struck by the effect that our climate has on our culture (or at least, how I perceived it one day on the bus). I was thinking back to the streets of Asia, where people hang out in front of their houses or shops, and even in a big city, the pace is somehow less frantic. People stop and talk. People sit and chat with their neighbours and watch the world go by. And what I was seeing around me, in Vancouver in December, was the frantic rush of people eager to get from one heated building to the next. It just seemed so SAD to the part of me that was still wandering warm down the streets of Bangkok.

But I thought about it some more, and reflected on the effects of living in a place that has very distinct seasons. And I realized that it has shaped me, and that I wouldn't trade it. I'm glad I grew up in a place where winter is most decidedly winter, and summer is most decidedly summer, and there's space in between them for transition. I'm even glad I didn't grow up here in Vancouver, where winter means something very different from what it does in Alberta. I'm glad I know about REAL snow, and REAL cold.

I'm not sure how to articulate HOW I think it has shaped me, but I know that it has. Maybe the reason I so much appreciate the summer, and all its back-deck dinners, long lazy evenings, and front step watching-the-world-go-by moments (kind of like I noticed in Asia!) is because I know that those moments are special, and won't last forever. And I might forget to appreciate them if they were my daily reality all the time.

But all that said... I still toy with the idea of moving south every single year right around this time. (Too bad all that land south of us is ruled by an evil moron.)

Moderately Entertaining

2004-09-13T18:12:00.000-07:00

Stuck at the office? Try this sort of interesting game!

I won. Did you?

Getting Serious

2004-09-10T13:33:00.000-07:00

From my friend Erin, on the phenomenon of 30-somethings feeling the pressure to get married, get a mortgage, and have babies...

"Some people really take that 'getting older - gotta settle down and have a bunch of long term plans' thing really serious - Me, i was just thinkin' that because i turned 30 this year, maybe it's time to start wearing dress shoes sometimes - that's as far as i've gotten."

Love it!

(Someone kick my ass if I try to settle for a mediocre husband and a house in the suburbs sometime after my 30th birthday, please.)

Freedom beckons

2004-09-09T13:08:00.000-07:00

I more or less gave my notice at work last week. As of December 1st, I will no long occupy my current role at The Hollyhock Leadership Institute.

The thing that has kept me here so long, despite not being all that happy with the day-to-day reality of the work, is that it really IS a great organization, with a great mission, and great people (who are close friends in addition to colleagues). So part of me hasn't wanted to leave. But I can't ignore the fact that I'm not cut out to be an office manager (or "womanger", as we like to call it), and I don't like feeling guilty for somewhat neglecting those aspects of my job description.

So I'm off on adventures for at least part of the winter -- California is the tentative plan, perhaps to Mount Madonna Center for a while. But who knows where else I might end up!

I'm definitely open to doing work with HLI in the future -- there's a lot of stuff coming down the pipe that DOES turn my crank. But someone else can deal with all the administrative trivia. And oh man did it feel good to free myself from that ball and chain...

Bumbershoot Bru-ha-ha

2004-09-07T20:02:00.000-07:00

Back from Bumbershoot -- and my longest stay in Seattle yet. Five days and 600km in a rental car, four days of music, a lot of great vending, and a bunch of mixed experiences.

I drove down with Darcy to Seattle Center, where we met up with Amanda and Damien -- a great High Sierra reunion of sorts, since the Americans and the Canadians hadn't seen each other since then. It was fun to do the festival and friends thing again, of course, but Bumbershoot is no High Sierra (and I hadn't expected it to be, thankfully). Friday and Saturday I probably could have done without. Sunday was really fun, between the sunshine and the beer gardens, and then Monday's transcendent musical moments made the whole trip worthwhile.

Over the four days, we saw:

Taarka
Dr Lonnie Smith Trio
Burning Spear
The Black Keys
Drive-By Truckers
Liz Phair
Cheb i Sabbah
Will Bernard and Motherbug
Soulive with Reggie Watts
Public Enemy
The Bad Plus
Galactic
Critters Buggin (and the All-Star Jam Finale)
(and then Critters Buggin again at the late night loft party)

There's quite an impressive list of the music we missed too... but you can't do it all. Or at least, we couldn't... the festival vibe wasn't quite enough to encourage super-human feats of endurance and dedication.

Highlights from a hooping perspective were Cheb i Sabbah (where I maybe had my most fun hooping ever - yes, really!), Taarka, and Soulive. Interestingly, on Friday and Saturday Darcy and I were the only hoopers in the place, and people were fascinated and enthralled. I felt like a circus performer, people were so amazed and appreciative and dazzled. But then Sunday and Monday two different people each brought a whole bunch of hoops and then the sides of the Bumbrella stage were transformed into a hoop fest, which was fantastic to see.

Highlights musically....... well, Public Enemy were really fun, and super-political, getting the crowd chanting "Fuck George Bush!" and "Make Love, Fuck War!". They railed at all Americans to go get a passport, because "It's good for you philosophically. Americans need to start realizing that they are citizens of the world." And they called out to John Kerry that "We need to FEEL you! Being a better man than George Bush is not enough! Kerry, we wanna FEEL YOU!!!"

Will Bernard was good...... but what's with Seattle!?!? Our little group were the only ones dancing to most of the show... and it was entirely groove-worthy. We decided it was our mission to get the party started, and we just cut loose. A few people joined us, but seriously not enough. Hello people?? What's up? Can't you feel it!?!?!

Dr Lonnie Smith is a magician.

Galactic was fun and got the final night going....

And then Skerik, heading up Critters Buggin, basically blew the roof off the Bumbrella Stage (and my head). He's completely nuts... and he's a complete genius. He knows exactly what he's doing, and last night, I was more than happy to let him do it. I feel like I joined his cult. That was up there with the most intense musical journeys I've ever been on. I'm not going to be able to do it justice in my current exhausted state but basically Skerik is a saxophone god and if you ever get a chance to see him in any of his many musical projects, just go. The after-party was insane, with the band, plus the drummer from Galactic, shaking down a loft in Seattle's warehouse district. My eardrums are probably worse for the wear, but there were some truly transcendent musical moments in the mix and it was more than worth it. Even worth the long drive home today after 4 hours of sleep.

Enough Skerik ranting. That concludes my Bumbershoot review. (I still think I'll go to Burning Man next year.)

Texting: The latest protest tool

2004-09-02T16:38:00.000-07:00

More geek-out:

CNN.com - The latest protest tool: 'texting' - Sep 2, 2004

Yay for the folks at the Ruckus Society -- they rock my socks.

Intersections between technology, society and the natural world

2004-09-02T14:22:00.000-07:00

Warning: don't bother with this post unless you're a bit of a tech-geek, secret or otherwise.

But if you ARE a bit of a geek, and you like that stuff, my friend Gideon, who works for OneNW (an exciting non-profit organization helping the Pacific Northwest environmental movement to join the 21 century) has a great blog.

There's a whole crazy world out there (in there?) of people building tools for the web that even 5 years ago would have blown our minds (and I think it was just ten years ago that my mother told me about this radio show she had just listened to, about this new thing called "the Internet". I didn't believe her when she described it). And the part that I get kind of geekily excited about is the potential of these tools for useful application -- especially when it comes to social change (which is why I'm so excited about the conference that I'm organizing). Anyhow, if these ideas are also of interest to you, then you'll like Gideon's blog.

He has one post about this thing called del.icio.us that sounds pretty neat.... Of course, this leads us naturally to the usual Sarah dilemma, where part of me wants to sign right up and tell everyone about it and get all excited, and the other part of me wants to move to a gulf island and be a barefoot farming hippie in a long flowing skirt with a baby on each hip. Well, maybe that's a LITTLE over-stated.... and it's also another story altogether. :)

Spread too thin

2004-09-01T16:07:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling a bit exhausted by the pace of life these days. Exhausted and also weary.

I've been kind of expanding myself, lately... mostly in terms of new creative projects. I never used to do much of that. And it's been really fulfilling -- designing and making clothes, writing blogs, playing with digital photography, making hula hoops, trying to get a Vancouver hoop group going... It feels fantastic to be accessing my creative side.

Then there's my work organizing Web of Change, which I am trying to keep separate from my day job, for integrity reasons... so that often has me working into the evenings, or on weekends, or just feeling vaguely worried about whether I'm on top of it all.

Then there's living in a household of six (well, seven at the moment) other lovely people, and wanting to be a positive contributing member of that (cleaning, shared meals, building relationships).

And then I spend four days a week, 9:30 to 5:30 (ish) sitting at my desk, and not feeling very inspired. Sometimes - truth be told - feeling like I'm rotting here. So the upshot of this is that everything that's interesting to me, I do in between loooooooong hours at the desk, and I'm getting tired. Physically as well as emotionally. Because I stay up late getting things done, and because I feel like I'm running away from something and because I never feel like I'm doing quite enough despite all this. Friendships I'm neglecting, yoga I should be practicing, runs in the woods I wish I was doing.

I know what I'm describing is simply life for millions upon millions of workers everywhere... and I think it's bullshit. So there.

And I'm not sure how I feel about the confessional blog-style, but oh well... I needed to vent.

Thinking Rocks

2004-08-31T14:40:00.000-07:00

Thinking Rocks

Thinking does rock, after all, and while you're tootling around looking at my blog you might want to tootle around on this dude's for a while too.

I can't tell whether my current love affair with The Blog is a healthy thing or not. It's probably one of those things (like email and cell phones) that needs to be balanced with quiet time off the grid and away from all the connectedness. My attention span seems to shorten by the month and that concerns me - when I pause long enough to notice it.

I think I'm due for a few days of wilderness, but I'll have to settle for crazy music festival-ness at Bumbershoot this weekend instead.

Wedding Pictures

2004-08-30T21:32:00.000-07:00

...are here...

RNC - keep up to speed

2004-08-30T15:19:00.000-07:00

Though it might be self-evident, NYC Indymedia is a great place to go to for news from the Republican National Convention in New York.

In fact, you could get stuck there all day, since they are updating it with news from the street EVERY FEW MINUTES via RSS...

Half a million people in the street yesterday, they're reporting. Right arm! (as my friend Claire would say, shaking her right fist in the air.)

From the protests...

For photos, go here. There's pictures from a Kiss-In -- a queer protest event that apparently had over 30 people arrested. Just for kissing in the street (probably without a permit)? Sheesh.

On your knees, girl

2004-08-29T20:21:00.000-07:00

I undertook perhaps my biggest house-cleaning task ever, today.

Our house has 8 people in it, and we all usually wear our shoes in the house (because the floor is so grimy that if you don't, your feet get black -- but then the shoes make the floor more dirty and it's a very vicious circle). The kitchen floor gets "cleaned" sometimes, but usually only once every week or two, and only a quick once-over with a sponge mop. This does not really cut it, though it's better than nothing. The "10-second" rule for dropped food does NOT apply at Graveley Manor.

It's generally Cory's job to clean it, but since he got married yesterday and has better things to do, today I decided to take matters into my own hands. I got on my hands and knees with a scrub brush (none of this sponge shit) and I scrubbed. Each and every square of linoleum. It took me an hour and a half. And I discovered that I was wrong in my belief that the small black dots were a part of the lino. It's like a whole new floor! I think it was the first time in several years (I might be wrong, but that seriously might not be an exaggeration) that anyone had cleaned it with that kind of vigour. I was covered in sweat at the end and had to have a shower. And fuck, was it ever satisfying.

Roar.

(Oh, and yes, the wedding was lovely. Very, very lovely.)

Going to the Chapel...

2004-08-28T15:55:00.000-07:00

Two of my housemates, Cory and Krista, are getting married today. It's mostly a formality, as they've been together for 8 years and consider themselves good and committed, but they're moving to Hawaii together for Cory's post-doc work, and I guess marriage makes things easier, immigration-wise. In any event, it means that I get to go to my first wedding ever. Finally. (I've managed to miss FOUR in the past year... am I a bad friend? I feel like I had good excuses for them all.)

Naturally, it's been a unusually hot and unreasonably dry summer for about 4 months now... until this past week, when the rain set in. It's pissing today. So much for the barefoot backyard ceremony. And I'm not quite so stoked about the cute little summer wedding outfit I just made myself... (though I'm pretty chuffed that I managed to manifest almost exactly what I envisioned at the fabric store.)

The rain this week has made me kind of gloomy and reflective. I'm probably not cut out for life in Vancouver, really. If you can't hack the rain and the grey, you shouldn't live here. So the arrival of what feels like fall (although we'll probably get at least one more hurrah of summer) has got me contemplating the coming winter -- and how much I do NOT want to spend it sitting at my desk in Gastown. I had this whole great plan to spend 6 months in northern California doing a work-study program, but it has all fallen through due to changes in the post-9/11 visa rules - a long story that doesn't bear repeating. Now I'm on the hunt for a yoga centre where I can exchange service work for room and board. I just need some time out of the city to get clear on where I'm going. (And to work out the crunchy tightness in my shoulders and back...)

Any ideas, anyone? I'm wide open to suggestions.

And the Pants!

2004-08-26T11:58:00.000-07:00

The matching pants to go with the hoodie...

These were last night's sewing project. You can't really tell from the picture, but they have groovy wicked bell bottoms. I LOVE THEM! So much, in fact, that I don't want to give them to Rob... they'll get all covered in playa dust...

On the plus side, I now know that I can make great yoga/dancing/playing pants myself, so I never have to pay Lululemon $100 to do it for me again! (God they annoy me. Their website kind of epitomizes all the aspects I find irritating. But they sure do make great pants...)

Poi for Arms

2004-08-25T15:27:00.000-07:00

Rob's Poi-Arm Hoodie (his vision, my creation)

It looks even better in action!

Burning up

2004-08-24T08:53:00.000-07:00

It feels like the whole world is going to Burning Man, except me.

Okay, that's an exaggeration... many of my friends and acquaintances are not going to Burning Man, because it's a pretty long way from up here and all. And Canadians in general seem less obsessed with festival culture. But lots of people I know ARE going, and the important piece of information here is that I REALLY WISH I was.

The closest I'm getting is helping Rob make his costume. Which is going to look pretty cool, I have to say. So if you see a guy swinging his arms around like poi, take a moment to think of me sitting at home working on my laptop, preparing for Web of Change (which will also be a damn good time, thankfully.)

Displays of Disrespect

2004-08-23T11:35:00.000-07:00

From my daily NYT headlines...

--------------
Bush Promises to Offer Detailed Plans at Convention
By ADAM NAGOURNEY

Republicans also plan on portraying street demonstrations as Democratic-sanctioned displays of disrespect for a sitting president.
---------------

What, are they going to start hanging people for treason again?!? I'm appalled.